don`t you dare -
hide away .

---

im sorry
i shouldn`t have .
forgive me ; please .
=33

---

ehehehe .
learning new words is fun .
8)

doing intellectually stimulating maths problems is fun .

playing piano for hours straight is fun :D .

or maybe it`s just me =33 .

101st post
mood ; tired .

MLIA xD .

---

so you figured it out .
now go do something about it .

things i like :

you
grace
forgiveness
freedom
purity
holy
clean
white
cherry - red
cherries
cherry blossoms
cute
green
happy
vibrant
zest
zeal
hearts
deep
wide
love
mango
fruit
strawberry
reading
writing
beautiful
music
unique
strength
light
soft
gentle
sweet
theory
hands - on
learning
life
self - control
respect
honour
servitude
attitude
eager
willing
open
sharing
crimson
romance
different
spontaneous
funny
elegance
discretion

#99 jumble of thoughts&&words .

a glimpse into my mind ;
things&&thoughts that are on my mind are / are about :

unspoken
redundancy
difference
ugly
beautiful
edgy
strain
quirky
amazing
hen ( jap for strange / weird )
addiction
longing&&belonging
sorry
thankyou
elegant
graceful
purity
perfection
mediocre
fumble
slip
wrong timing
maybe
wishful
knowing
wise
unease
flowy

once again ,
i am annoyed at myself .
ahh =S .

why do i love God , love others , but not the person He made me to be ? =\

i guess it`s something to pray about , and work with God to improve !

---

ahahaha .
said ceebs twice today .
owe jas 20 push ups ,
which i will do ... sometime ... later xD .

this is me .

random ; rough draft .

---

&& so
she keeps running
and running
and running ;
away from all the pain ,
and hurt
and emptiness
and boredom
and restlessness
she feels inside ;
drowning herself in the cheap thrills
' life ' offers .

pretend the problem isn`t there .
but it doesn`t go away , does it ?

fight it ?
so weak ...

' i can`t stand it anymore ! ' she screams ,
as her world
slowly but surely
crushes itself down
upon her ,
squeezing her life
out .

but
a pair of capable hands ;
and she gives her heart away ,
again ,
but this time to some one who will truly cherish
and love it ,
cause she knows this time
it won`t hurt .

thankyou for life <33

today
was
absolutely
amazing .

wow .

and that was only a small glimpse of the power of your spirit !

just what i needed <33 .

---

how precious is this beautiful gift of life !

well , we screw up our own ;
become dead ,
but are given the chance for a new life ;
true life .

so i was thinking ( as you do xD ) .
over john 10 : 10 : ' the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy ; i have come that they may have life , and life to the full ' .
( thankyou claudia . you really don`t know how amazing God has made you to be ; the way he uses you is just awesome ! )

so yeah .
i want to live life to the fullest , right ?
i`d hate my life to be a waste of space ; resources and love .
but there was something holding me back .

until you showed me the freedom i have in Christ , Lord .
as a kid , it was just like ' yep . no swearing . no lying . no this . no that ' .
constraints .
and i kept failing . so i got frustrated .

but wow .
jesus died for me to save me from that ! i am free , free from the bonds of sin now !

but most importantly , he rose again , to show us just how free we are !
( this is my favourite part , mattnoobgorgor :) )

use me , Lord .
let me not be caught up
in my own desires ,
and let go everything ,
to you .

i love this part <33 .

14 David stayed in the desert strongholds and in the hills of the Desert of Ziph. Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands.

15 While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. 16 And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 17 "Don't be afraid," he said. "My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this." 18 The two of them made a covenant before the LORD. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.

- 1 Samuel 23:14-18

what amazing love !

and protection ; from the Lord !

perhaps
you are wrong ,
and i have not matured at all ;
in the sense that i have grown up ;
acquiring knowledge on the way .
( in fact ,
i am still nooby ,
and have become more easily - excitable
and laughable .
( at ? with ? ) . )

because i know
by my own ' wisdom ' ,
i fail .

but i have been given
what you see in me .

blessed with every spiritual blessing ,
in Christ .

my hope ( is built on nothing less than jesus` blood and righteousness )

i dare not trust the sweetest frame ;
but wholly lean on jesus` name .

---

im sorry
i keep failing you .
( && failing him too . )
i love you
but how ugly my heart is
breaks mine ;
yours too
( if only you knew ) .

yet you still love me .

if ever ; whenever
i do ,
please just remember ;
i love you ,
but im only human .

but there is a God ,
who loves you and i more
than you or i could ever love each other ,
and so ,
i have hope of someday being truly
pure
and beautiful .

wash me ,
and make me clean ,
holy and pleasing in your sight ~

but WOW .
THANKYOU , LORD .
JAS , GOD IN YOU IS AMAZING <33>i praise you God of earth and sky ;
how beautiful ,
is your unfailing love !

your grace is enough <33 ( thankfully )

---

teach me your ways !
i want to walk in truth and righteousness ;
in the certainty we have in your son <33 .

---

OMGSH IM FINALLY USING MY FAHRENHEIT MOUSE PAD HAHAHAHAHAHA :DDD .
- dodgy year 8 and 9 memories ._. - .
ahh well . fahrenheit . is . cool . despite the fact they can`t really sing xD .

&& she pours everything she has ,

into a castle ;

a castle made of sand .

&& i hope i won`t even try to .
i`ll just do my best !

and yes , there is a difference ( in this context ) .

trying ; reaching for something ( dodgy ) .
doing my best ; at something , to honour you Lord .

wash over me .

i love pretty piano music <33 .
yiruma ^_^ .

---

hehe .
carmen and i ( 車 - 男士&&笑 - 走 ) win at drawing !
even if our drawing of a ( hot ) guy failed xD .
mainly because i can`t draw guys at all haha .

carmen : - looking at my arms - . what happened to your guns ?
me : huh ?
carmen : you know how you used to have small , toned guns ? wait . flex .
me : - flexes - . OH RIGHT . THOSE O_________O .
carmen : yeah xD .
me : i ... uhh ... that was ages ago . i stopped swimming ( GG xDDD ) . - pokes flab -

haha .
care to go swimming with me again , 9SC ? :)
( renee and bella ; you know you want to xD )

FAILING
junk food ban ><; .
gah .

---

deep calm ~
let go .

thankyou BASICs <33 .

oh .
thankyou for knowing best ,
and enforcing it so .

i don`t understand myself either .

how can i love you ?
love you , more and more ?
better and better ?

or perhaps , it is simply ; let him love you .
( the better option )

---

all other ground is sinking sand .

pure <33 .

thankyou for reminding me of how beautiful God made me to be .
maybe not so pretty or gorgeous or stunning but definitely something he`s pleased with .
but what does it matter anyway ?
he looks at me and sees the love , beauty and purity of his son , not the mask of make up and cream and what not .

purity that washes away even my moody , angsty restlessness .

---

OMGSH . they don`t have the dress i really want in my size anymore . ahhhhhhhhhhhh D; .
sucks :( .

oh well .
will keep looking .

formal shopping sucks :( .

sharing is caring <33

i love you .

share with me the secrets that you kept in ;
cause it`s cold inside .

it worries me
when you don`t talk .
more so than me worrying about your problems .

so yeah . talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee D; . anytime :) .
or at least some one else you trust !
i love you <33 .
^_^

---

i know
all these aweeeesome
smart ; loving ; talented
people

whom i love ;
who love me ;
beyond any earthly reason why ,
even when i can`t see anything in myself to love .

thankyou , Lord .
<33

---

thankyou so much , sister ! moles were in the test ;D . but they weren`t the answer :( .
but other stuff you taught me was in the test hehe . thankyouuuuuu <33 .

undeserving .

wow .

ohmygosh .
i love my parents so much .
<33

but i love my heavenly father more <33 .

today is not one of these days . and yet ...

there are times
when i just wish
i could cry
and cry
and cry
my heart out ;
for all the physical
relief
it brings .


but my heart
is so hard
i cannot cry ;
instead ,
my soul
cries out
( from the inside out )


feeling weak and pathetic ;
all night long
i toss and turn
waiting for you to answer ;
why do i not feel you ?
answer me , O Lord .
why have i fallen ,
yet again ?

yet ,
you pick me up
without fail ;
time and time again .

hold me close ;
to your heart .
in the palm of your hands ,
i am safe .

i am so undeserving .

procrastination .

' tomorrow , and tomorrow , and tomorrow , ' you say ,
till tomorrow is no more .
and you still haven`t done it .

you study then study then study .
play ; read ; watch ; learn ; grow .

lecture ; admonish ; inspire ; encourage ; guide ; care for .

so what ,
if you don`t love ?

psalm 28 <33 .

To you I call , O LORD my Rock ;
do not turn a deaf ear to me .
For if you remain silent ,
I shall be like those who have gone down to the pit .
Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help ,
as I lift up my hands
towards your Most Holy Place

---

why do you still fear , foolish little girl ?
darkness has a hold on you no more .

for while darkness flees , trembling at his voice ,
you may draw nearer , as you wait on him ,
trembling in awe .

not me .

eww .
why do i use the word ' i ' so much ?
._.

in everything ,
may i point back to you .

talk to myself .

oops ;
it`s twelve something already .
time flies ;
( even when you`re not having fun xD . )
so find something useful to do with it .

( i need ) light .

urgh .
i feel so lazy and unproductive .
ate and slept for most of today afterschool ._. .
lol ?
like . i didn`t even do that in the holidays . ( well i slept for half the day xD , but yeah )

and after sport too .
a work out ._. .

regaining all the weight xD .
( LOLOLOL i have lots of ' fat spots ' xD . which look like goosebumps . eww =33 . )

need
to
study .
haha .

oh well ; read phil`s book , and the ISCF study and stuff supporting it today .
and ended up reading other parts of the bible ( other stuff jesus said ) .
was awesome :D ; just reading his word because i felt hungry for more .

not just reading out of habit .
or a sense of obligation .

and had awesome talk with dad :) ( about boyfriends HAHAHA xD ) .
i wish i had more time to talk to him =33 .

and i guess even though i know im pretty much screwed for ipt ; like im not going to do great or anything , considering my failed study patterns , it doesn`t matter .
it`s not about the score .

i`ve learnt so much from doing ipt . not just like technical stuff , but stuff about myself , and other bigger , important things .
and had lots of fun along the way .
the only things i regret are not working harder , and for putting so much pressure on myself because of it .

so much energy and time wasted ; worrying .

i don`t know how you`re going to use this for your glory , but i hope you`ll kick the lazy me into action .

even if i try my hardest and fail , it beats being lazy and owning the test ._. .
at least i`ll know i tried .
argh .

---

thankyou , Lord .

hard to believe you still put up with me ,
even with all my sin ;
character flaws that i didn`t even know i had .

shine your light on me ;
expose all the darkness ;
&& chase it out .

for in the presence of light , there is no darkness .

---

elena . luke . elaine .
pretty names .
beautiful meaning <33 .
( && beautiful people )

you are ( who you are )

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight , O LORD , my Rock and my Redeemer - Psalm 19:14

( favourite verse <33 . thanks jas for telling me about this psalm ! )

---

CCC was AWESOME :) .

---

as we re - learnt , looking at Ezekiel today , God always keeps his promises , so i really need to trust him waaaaaaaaay more .

' if God is for us , who can be against us ? ' - Romans 8:28

---

awesome lessons and re - lessons today !

Lord , i can`t wait to see what else you have to teach me !

---

I praise you ,
for being You ;
the ' I AM who I am ' ;

you cannot go against your nature ,
and just leave us be .

---

all my B&SICs :

thankyou so much ;
i really do not know how to phrase this ;
as you can see , im not very good at this whole expressing gratitude thing ,
but from the bottom of my heart
i praise and thank God ,
for you .

---

thanks for the awesome books jas and phil !
really something to think about ,
and take action !
:)

ready ; set ; go haha :) .
equipped ; empowered ; ... go xD .

forgiven ; restored ; grateful ; blessed ; loved .

feeling blessed ~

even though im worried for ipt , and yearlies ><; .
i shouldn`t be .

god is in control ~

phew .
so much joy in being safe in his hands .
well , not just safe .
guided ,
and lifted up .

makes me think of ;

' the commands of the LORD are radiant ,
giving light to the eyes ' - Psalm 19 ( again :D )

and

' what is man that you are mindful of him ,
the son of man that you care for him ?
you made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honour ' - Psalm 8 ( yush jas ; im stealing your favourite psalms >) )

who am i ?
that the Lord of all the Earth ,
would care to know my name ,
care to feel my hurt ?

also , i have such awesome loved ones <33 .

so much grace .
yet so undeserving ._. .

simply praise .

highlights of my holidays ;

1. praying before JAAL BBQ <33
2. church :) , as always
3. getting woken up by jas this morning

yeah ; i was actually still in bed until you called xD .

but it was a great start to my day .

kept me focused and encouraged .
on God .
on study .

last night , i prayed that God would be the first thing to pop up in my mind when i woke up .

and even though you opened with talk about study ( lololololol ) , when i heard your voice , i wondered what God had to say to me today .

and he opened with psalm 19 .

simply , praise .

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his
hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night
they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their
voice is not heard.

( haha . i was playing heart of worship on the piano before . it was the first song that popped into my head )
pointing back to what we`re called to do ; worship .

which i have not been doing as much as i should have ._. .

---

The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.

stronger

do you still remember ?
we`d stay out late ; talking .

sharing our dreams and hopes
under the stars ;
just dreaming the nights away .

a quiet park ;
a set of swings .
we felt like we could go anywhere .

when life was just simple .
so simple we couldn`t appreciate it .
( so sheltered . )

we wanted more , didn`t we ?
and now we got it .

well , would you give anything just to get it back ?
i would give anything to be able to move forward with you .
stronger .

i love you .
i wonder if you feel it .

come here ; let me in .
let me break you down ,
with love .

time flies . move along ; move along .

glad i didn`t .
no matter how _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .

how long ago does this all seem .

glad to see _ _ _ ` _ _ still _ _ _ _ :) .

( no ; this is something else that no one reading will understand xD )

---

how cool am i ?
not very , evidently ._. .
haha .

ugh .

---

perfection .

(
y
o
u

w
i
s
h
.
)

Love me .

“Love me,” she screams, “Cherish me; don’t ever let me go, and never ever forget me.”

“Okay,” he smiles.

Opens his arms wide.

She jumps into them. Pouting, she looks up at him expectantly. Tilts her head, brown eyes questioning, as if pleading, ‘what next?’

He simply smiles again, and leans forward to kiss her pretty, perfect lips.

Satisfied, she settles in his arms; head resting on his shoulder and sleeps. She is so beautiful, yet so fragile; her dainty, delicate fingers so pathetic in his own. He longs to just pick her up; swing her around; hear that lovely tinkling laugh again.

“I love you,” he whispers into the cold, grey morning air.

But she is already asleep and can’t hear him.

And he really does love her.

But first, he must break her heart. Get rid of all bitterness, pride and malice, so he really can love her, as she asked him to. Break those fingers; dull that beautiful mane of hair. And then she’ll be able to see how much he really loves her.

i want .

omgsh .
did i really say that ?
that`s just like totally lame :( .

funny , the things you say in deep emotion .

---

on the other hand .
tangent ;

i wonder how you`re going nowadays .
i wish we still talked .

but when we do , it`s like we both immediately run out of words to say .

im sorry for everything .

you were a great friend .
too great
to me .

i don`t blame you for it .

but i do wonder if you actually talked to me , for who i really am .
i mean , i think you did at first .
but then later , it seemed like i was just a source of entertainment .

entertainment that got boring .

i guess we never really suited as companions .
but i still , really , really miss you .

---

why am i so selfish ?
i only want the parts that i want ._. .

argh .
why do i even want it ?

i wish that i only ever wanted you , Lord .

I Need You to Love Me - Barlow Girl

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

sensitivity .

i know i shouldn`t care .
but i do anyway .

i know it`s one of the reasons why some people love me ; that i find joy in the randomest , smallest things . which in turn , somehow , is contagious . or something like that , making me ' nice to be around ' ._. .

yes , i enjoy delighting in the wonders God has placed in my life ^_^ .
but why do i twist yet another beautiful thing God has given me ?

reading God`s love in the world is wonderful . something you could spend a lifetime doing , and never get over it .

but when i try to read - overread - other people , disaster follows .
something small - busy stuyding ; engrossed in another conversation ; etc - becomes misunderstanding ; annoyance ; distrust ; boredom ; restlessness and the like .

perhaps it`s something else to let go .

i mean seriously this time .

always love .

ever - changing ?
i think it rather scary , to not know where i stand .

never changing ?
a rock to cling to ,
as i wait in certainty
of your promises .

---

why is it like this ?
sometimes love , sometimes not .
honestly , it gets rather frustrating at times .

whereas you , O Lord ,
are always love .

&& someday you`ll finally get it .

it`s not enough .
it never will be .

but your grace is enough .

so why - such a simple phrase - takes me endless running
about in circles
to learn ?

---

years of pre - packaged wisdom , waiting for me to open .
advice just waiting for me to heed .

must i learn the hard way ?

i would so totally marry lee hom :)

i am surprised ,
that even when i don`t feel like it ,
i can still do it .
and sometimes , very well .

but other times ,
when i try hard ,
i simply can`t .

i guess it seems like
the harder i try ,
the worse i`ll do .

but ,
i know that
it`s because im not relying on your strength
and power
and grace
enough ,
and that is why
i feel like im not getting
anywhere .

---

oh , it`s the little things , alright
that make me smile and laugh

and the little things
that get on my nerves .

but it`s the big things
( so big that they`re immeasurable :) )
that make me smile ;

so much so that i can`t stop .

( because they fight all the other , big , bad things away . )

and that is why
i should simply let go
all ' control ' i think i have
to you .

---

why
am i writing
like im writing
poetry ?
xD

---

oh where , oh where shall we find a modern day david ?
HAHAHA .

exceptionally musically gifted ; handsome ; good speaker ; good warrior + strategist ( healthy ? intelligent ? xD ) ; brave ; ex - shepherd ( humble ; gentle ; patient ? ) ; filled with the Lord`s spirit ; knew him intimately ; followed his commands ( most of the time ) ; loved him .
now is that too much to ask for ?
LOL .

but not perfect .
no where near so xD .

i guess a ' jesus wannabe ' will have to do xD .
( imitator of christ ; ephesians <33 )

---

show me love ,
and break me down

Rediscovery !

i love the feeling of rediscovery .

it`s like ,
something lost or forgotten ;
finding it again is like finding something new , but better ! , enabling you to cherish existing memories of something onced loved , and giving you the opportunity to make more .

okay that was just my rant on how i ' rediscovered ' this song i used to really like , but deleted it along with all my other downloaded music xD .

but then it`s like the parable of the lost coin , or the lost sheep !

Now the tax collectors and "sinners" were all gathering around to hear him. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, "This man welcomes sinners and eats with them."

Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

- Luke 15:1-10

( how fitting ; we`re doing parables for ISCF this term haha . )

but like WOW how amazing ;

In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents

well , i thought rediscovering god`s grace in light of how broken we are amazing . i thought him refreshing my tired , cold soul amazing .

and this post was going to be about the joy of rediscovering his love . but nothing can compare to his joy at ' rediscovering ' us ; claiming us back as his .
like how much more does he rejoice over us coming back to him ?

i mean do i truly love god ?
with all my heart , soul and strength ?
no ; i admit i don`t .
but i hope i will learn to .

and in the meantime , i will leave with a love song . from god <33 .
( thanks phil for telling me about this song ^______^ )

---

More - Matthew West

Take a look at the mountain
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am
And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine and you shine for me too
I love you
Yesterday
And today
And tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to me
And I want you to know
I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine and you shine for me too
I love you
Yesterday
And today
And tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for me
Shine for me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for me

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine and you shine for me too
I love you
Yesterday
And today
And tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love you more

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine and you shine for me too
I love you
Yeaterday
And today
Through the joy
And the pain
I say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

---

and even this cannot capture his love for us .

i thought i could love .
but i got owned .

but now i can ; loving with his love .

i am glad :) .
but like okay .

i wish
that
i were
...
bolder ?

i guess .
thats it .

---

aww ><; .
so cute
^_^ .

---

tired ~
- glomps - .

---

is it you or is it me ?
=33

...
i think i`ll just shut up and just see what happens xD .

something to smile about ^_^ .

why , because i smile , do you think my life is going perfectly ?
why , if i give you an expensive present , do you think im rich ?
why , if i see a lot of people i know , do you think im popular ?

but guess what ?
im no fairytale princess .
( no ' tong hua ' haha . )

so you think my life is perfect and what ?
so you say im pretty , smart , privileged , blah blah . nice clothes . nice style . nice hair . skinny . funny . rich . ' loved ' .

and therefore , you think im sheltered and spoilt and idealistic .
which i am .

but has it occurred to you that i have issues too ?
problems too .

i am simply blessed .

to have such awesome parents .
awesome friends .
awesome family in christ .

who care about me .
who love me .

a god who loves me . cherishes me . smiles upon me .
who takes all my problems on himself .

so i smile :) .

why do you think im ( almost ) always happy ?
why do you think i smile and laugh so much ?

because life is awesome .
not the life ive messed up ; the new life i`ve been given .

because i have something to smile about :) .

the greatest gift , ever <33 .

can you hear the sound of all the places we could go ?

yes , let`s elena :D .
other songs too maybe ? ^_^

---

tell me , tell me ,
what makes you think that you are invincible ?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure ;
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable -
impossible .

... or not ? xD

---

imissyous :(
- hug / glomp -
rawr .

see you soon ? :)

---

wondering what you`re doing .
=33

---

maybe it`s just me .

---

yush i laugh at dodgy random stuff xD

disdain ? don`t be so high and mighty ._. . you might just learn something .

' i see . '

( no you don`t , really . )

in stating so , you are allowing yourself to be blindfolded by your own stubbornness .

in refusing to see the world from another perspective , who knows how much you`ve missed ?

sure , it may not be the right point of view , but at least by looking at your world through a different lens , you`ll be able to see things you couldn`t see before .

focus , refocus .

remove that speck of dust you didn`t see before .

well , i pray that i can see the world through your eyes , Lord .
never missing anything ; eyes of love .

times - tenth avenue north .

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

---

but still , i need to feel you .
more and more
and
more .

---

WOW . cool comment on youtube xD ;

' say theress some1 drownin in the water and you had no way of rescuing them but going in the water, bringing them back with your bare hands. what does a lifeguard do when the victim is flailing violently and drowning in the water?

they wait till the victim is tired out and has no more energy. Then they go in and rescue them.

God does that too. We are just doing ourselves more harm by trying to do things on your own when we can't. When we are weak God is strong. No1 is forcing you. '

why ( awesome song hehe :) )

laughing .
not studying , sadly D; .

okay imma take a break from bleak blogs xD , and try to blog about more ' normal ' stuff .
( well , i was going to blog another cold , ' observating ' ( HAHAHAHA . SORRY JULINA xD ) blog today , but i deleted it xD . ( wait i think it`s saved in my drafts ^^; . meh . might finish it later ) )

okay , too bads . im gonna blog deep , subliminal messages again .
( sorry ; got triggered =33 )

---

loving the edginess of secondhand serenade lyrics , and the way he delivers them with such raw , emotional honesty .
but i do dislike their emo - ness , and the way he is literally wasting away in his songs ._. .

pining .
after what ?

lost loves ?
the pain and hurt associated with them ?

- steals this bit from the draft mentioned before ( wow i actually have an intro now o_O . wow it all links ! ) -

why , when you replay a sad memory , it seems so much sadder ?
yet funny moments seem duller , inducing less laughter every time they resurface .

and it`s always the saddest , heart - wrenching stories that capture our imagination .

are we like somehow drawn to pain and suffering ?
we find it strangely captivating .
like how i find secondhand serenade lyrics beautiful o_O .

and why are happy endings so ' cliche ' when they rarely actually happen in real life ?

or maybe , it`s just me ( rambling agin xD ) . ( HEY COOL . the song i was just listening to just ended , and the last line is ' maybe it`s just me HAHAHA . and the title of my blog is also a song by secondhand serenade - puts extra bit on title - . )

---

not so subliminal today .
and not so flowy . meh xD .

revelations .

i have discovered 4 important things these holidays , as listed below .

1) it`s impossible to cram a whole year`s worth of stuff for 9 / 10 - ish subjects into 2 weeks of ' study time '
2) procrasting takes up > 90% of said study time
3) im screwed xD .
4) GG .

oh , and did i mention IPT ? ^^;

it`s cold .

i`m cold .

i`m scared .

for you , and for me .
for us .

that we will grow even colder .

but no , we will not stay this way .

someday , we`ll find out .
are we just going to drift apart , till there`s nothing ?
not even cold
left .

or , may you draw me near you ?
so that i can share your warmth ,
please ?

until i`ve drawn enough from you to call my own .

see , you may not feel my cold .
but i do .
pulling me away from you .

i try to fight it .
but i still feel myself slipping away from you .
you simply do not feel it ,
yet .

hold me tight ,
please .

i love being near you ,
but somehow , find myself pushing myself away .

---

please fill me up , Lord !
with love ...

---

why do i find myself spending time worrying about you ,
but not spending time with you ?

mixed messages , && unspoken feelings .

yeah . i really want to write something but i dont know what to write .

hilongtimenotalkhowareyouimissyoudarling(s)ihopeyou`refineyoureallyareawesome-hug--glomp-RAWRthoughdrama-like,itsnotactuallyveryfun._.weneedtotalk(more)ineedtobemoresensitiveineedtowatchoutforyouihatethemoodymeineedtostudyyouneedtostudymoreimsorryforbeingaterriblefriendarghineedtoexerciseineedtostoptalkingaboutmyselfhahayoumakemelaughyou`resolamexDokay,imlamerletsgoshoppingyesmumxDamireally?hahaharofllollmao:)vodafonevirginoptusorwhat?oopswheredidiputmynotes?wakeupxDhahaibetnononewillbotherreadingthisallthankyouforallyou`vedoneiwishyou`dstopit=\lordhelpme-screams--endstressing-yushthatphilippianspassagelolsineedmoregoodmusicsing/writemeasong^_^hahahateachmeeeeeeeee(yesiknowyoudon`thavetime:()pleasedon`tjudgethemilovethem:)iwonderifyoudo(still?)iwonderifiwillihopeican(bestronginyou)mostofallihopewecantogetherganbattenewowO_OchillaxdudexDokayithinkidontactually;it`sjust_ _ _ _haha._.butido,inanotherway!waitingiwonderifthatwasthewisestthingtodoprobablynotahhwellpleasekeepittoyourselfiwishyou`dtalkmoreletstalkmoreiloveyou:).

and ican`treallythinkofwhatelsetoputthere .

< / end incoherent thoughts here >

and that was what i wanted to say .

phew :) .

and OOPS blogspot cut off the really long strings of words xD .
ahh well :) . it doesnt really make sense anyways xD .

and facebook just cut off about 1/3 of my rambling . meh .

♥ 陪我長大

i guess i want to know .
but i`ll never know .
cause it doesn`t matter
anyway .

im sorry im so curious =33 .

... maybe i`ll find out when we meet up there again , ne ? ^_^

for now , all we need to know is right here ...
let`s go searching to find it ,
together :) .

---

oops just paper - cutted my finger =33 .
despite how pretty bright red blood ( yay im not iron deficient :D ) looks on white tissue , it really is quite disgusting xD .
especially when it turns brown and crusty ._. .
eww =33 .

im surprised im not feeling squeamish , for once .

... and im surprised im not having a massive pity party .

yes , i`ll just have to deal with it .

im such a little girl sometimes ._. .

- smiles bravely -

will grow up ...

---

spoilt little girl can`t deal with a little physical pain ?

get over it .

think you know what it feels like to hurt ?
inside & outside .
totally alone .

look towards the cross , blessed little one .

and be thankful that you don`t have to bear even your own burdens anymore , let alone the whole world`s ,
on your shoulders .

the emotional me .

i am ice queen .
cool ; calm ; smart ; confident .
melt me if you may .

make me smile ; make me laugh .
( not very hard to )
melt me .
( at all )

i retreat into my own little shell of a container .

but , like water , i bend easily ; at will .
liquid ; runny fluid i am , i will do anything you want .

pour me out , pour me back in . drink me , spit me out . filter me , pollute me .

i can`t help it .

---

well i was .

now i resist even you .
despite saving me from that .

reasoning ( ded to you luke xD )

before you actually say anything , it`s not what you think .

i guess we never really consider this when we make a judgement .

but it never is , really what you think .
there will always be something small ; overlooked , no matter how many explanations made .

personalities overlooked .

in the end , anything is completely ' justifiable ' in light of everything that has happened , in combination with our personalities .

but i do not believe personalities are justifiable .

yes ; we`re all like ' this ' . but leaving it be is just not good enough .

leaving yourself wallowing in self pity , lust , anger ...

if you`re given a chance to change , why don`t you take it ? ._.

arms high && heart abandoned .

hahaha .
i think my favourite song is now ' the Stand - Hillsong ' .

not just like a random phase .
cause i haven`t had a proper favourite song for aaaaaaages .

really ; i love the melody .
but most of all i love the lyrics .

so what can i say ?
what can i do ?
but offer this heart , O God ;
completely to you .

my heart ; your heart ; our hearts .

seriously , i don`t know what else i can do .
cause there`s nothing else i can do .

you simply call me to lay it all on you .
good ; bad ; glory ; shame .

watch ; wait ; listen ; respond .
but leave it all to you .

---

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

fail at failing :)

Boston - Augustana

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone
Oh it has begun
Oh dear you look so lost
Eyes are red
And tears are shed
The world you must have crossed
You said

You don't know me
And you don't even care
Oh yeah
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah
Yeah

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field
When flowers gaze at you
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you
You said

You don't know me
And you don't even care
Oh yeah
She said you don't know me
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah

She said I think I'll go to Boston
Think I'll start a new life
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
Think I'll get a lover
And fly him out to Spain
I think I'll go to Boston
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I'm tired of Sunset
I hear it's nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice
Oh yeah

Boston
No one knows my name
Yeah
No one knows my name
No one knows my name
Yeah

Boston
No one knows my name

---

haha thankyou kwan . i like this song very much :) .
i like your music taste :) .
it`s very different but refreshing ? lol .

maybe i`ll learn it on piano some day ^_^ .

but for the record , i actually enjoy listening to asian music :D .
including like , bubblegum pop which you`d probably find annoying xD .

but the mario kart love song is so cute =33 .
hahahahaha xD .

have fun at black stump ^_^ .

---

OMGSH . cleaning my desk .
well , not really .

2 minutes into cleaning :
- takes a break ; drinks asian tea ; fbooks for like half an hour -

FAIL .

---

but no allan , i do not fail at failing HAHA .

with every spiritual blessing ~

smiling .
lifted up ;
close to you .

&& my weak arms and knees shake .

in your presence , i feel so sinful =\ .
yet , you withhold nothing from us .

all your love .
every spiritual blessing .

leaning
on you .

in love :) .

i would like to drown myself in your love :) .
cause it doesn`t even feel like drowning :D .

flying ; soaring .