you lifted me ; you lifted me out ; and set me dancing ; dancing free .

sometimes ,
it just feels nice to watch sad things ; read sad things ; hear sad things ,
just for the sake of crying .

just cause ,
it feels so good ;
to have outward , physical , solid emotional release -
you feel as if you really really do need it .

wretched , wrack sobs that shake all of you .
it feels good to scream .
crying till you hyperventilate .
it hurts so much inside , but feels so good all the same .

but then afterwards .
you sit there stoned , wondering ' why ; why this breakdown ? why do you feel this way ? why does he do this to me ? ' .
there comes this numbness , like a response to too much pain -
perhaps , the worst bit of it .

or , sometimes , pouring your heart out just opens the wound up , bigger .
tender .

yet all the same , you still cry on the inside for release .
release from what ?
you dont know .
just .
why ?
why this ? why me ?
what is it ?

i know ; i know .
and yet , i cant get my head around it .
around why .

it builds up ;
this thing .
you dont know why , or what it is .
well , you do . but it doesnt make sense .

he promised rainbow ? where is that rainbow ?
you know - it will come . but will you wait for it ?

small things trigger it ;
small things ; the kind of things you used to find joy in .
the early morning sun ; a child`s smile that warms your heart .
replaced by fits of anger ; fear ; anxiety .

but
all i really needed was
patience and trust in you ( faith ) .

cause you provided
everything else .

all i needed
was you .

yes ; i couldnt see
where it was going .
why i was going .
but that`s how you work -
in weird and wonderful ways .

your amazing plans -
our lives billions of little threads all entwined ,
in your capable , capable hands .
these delicate little threads .
yet , you weave them together yourself so intricately ,
pour yourself into them ,
and you will make the greatest tapestry , ever .

and now these three remain : faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love <33