honestly ( if i were to say how i really felt ) ,
it's called pride , y'know ?
so , if i were to follow my pride ...
been there ; done that .
not good .
but in reality , it's all just pretentiousness .
i have nothing to be proud of , but for being called a Child of God .
Sunday, February 28, 2010
speculation .
looking back , was it for the better ?
i don't know .
the overall result may be good , but you probably could have done better .
though , i have no idea how .
but you know , there's no time now to look back , and regret .
what good does it do ?
just keep trying your best la .
i don't know .
the overall result may be good , but you probably could have done better .
though , i have no idea how .
but you know , there's no time now to look back , and regret .
what good does it do ?
just keep trying your best la .
on your knees ;
curled up in a ball ;
hands clasped over your head .
fast breathing .
shivering and shaking .
there's something dark tormenting me .
i cannot see it , but i feel it bigger than ever , chaining me in my misery .
crying out your name ;
hearing your voice .
i feel your comforting hands cradling me ,
like a child .
i cling to you .
---
this world is too much for me .
but you promised : it's not too much for you .
curled up in a ball ;
hands clasped over your head .
fast breathing .
shivering and shaking .
there's something dark tormenting me .
i cannot see it , but i feel it bigger than ever , chaining me in my misery .
crying out your name ;
hearing your voice .
i feel your comforting hands cradling me ,
like a child .
i cling to you .
---
this world is too much for me .
but you promised : it's not too much for you .
Saturday, February 27, 2010
open my eyes ; that i may see wonderful things in your law .
you call that living ? =\
are you really ignorant , or do you choose to remain so ?
open your eyes ( asian xD ) .
are you really ignorant , or do you choose to remain so ?
open your eyes ( asian xD ) .
cling
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Friday, February 26, 2010
tautology :D
LOL JAS I LOVE YOU HAHA .
BABY ARE YOU ( descending ) DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN .
hehe :)
well , technically , one down is enough .
and so ,
i say
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY JOYFUL BIRTHING DAY :) ,
once again hehe .
BABY ARE YOU ( descending ) DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN .
hehe :)
well , technically , one down is enough .
and so ,
i say
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY JOYFUL BIRTHING DAY :) ,
once again hehe .
not so long ago ...
man i miss talking to you .
but you've moved on ... kinda xD .
of course ; you still care .
<33
i know you do (: .
it's just that everything seems so long ago , and so far away .
and i seem to be stuck in one phase of your life ; unmoving .
you've gone on .
and , ahh , i miss you .
lots .
but who am i to say it wasn't for the better ?
to keep going .
im glad you did .
i just hope i can be a part of your life , still .
i'd be very privileged to <33 .
(:
but you've moved on ... kinda xD .
of course ; you still care .
<33
i know you do (: .
it's just that everything seems so long ago , and so far away .
and i seem to be stuck in one phase of your life ; unmoving .
you've gone on .
and , ahh , i miss you .
lots .
but who am i to say it wasn't for the better ?
to keep going .
im glad you did .
i just hope i can be a part of your life , still .
i'd be very privileged to <33 .
(:
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A different view of you ...
You're so beautiful .
Though beautiful is far from what anyone else I know would describe you , I am constantly amazed by the blessing God has placed in my life , through you .
Of course , there's days where it's hard , and we slip and fall .
But He picks us back up ; and we'll keep running .
Though beautiful is far from what anyone else I know would describe you , I am constantly amazed by the blessing God has placed in my life , through you .
Of course , there's days where it's hard , and we slip and fall .
But He picks us back up ; and we'll keep running .
stories .
do you ever wonder about people ?
you see them everywhere ; on the street ; at school ; at home ...
on the internet xD .
do you wonder what they do ?
get up to in their spare time ?
what they'll do tonight when they get back home ?
its so easy to see them ; right then and there , thinking it's who they are , and dismiss all the things that make up who they really are .
like the big , buff guy .
he could turn out to be the best singer you've ever heard .
or the ' hobo lady ' you see everyday .
what about her life ?
who is this person ;
each with their own amazing stories behind them ?
yet , somehow , each story seems to fit in with some one else's , to make this great , big one ;
bringing all glory to your name .
it's so simple ; so beautiful ,
yet so incomprehensible .
you see them everywhere ; on the street ; at school ; at home ...
on the internet xD .
do you wonder what they do ?
get up to in their spare time ?
what they'll do tonight when they get back home ?
its so easy to see them ; right then and there , thinking it's who they are , and dismiss all the things that make up who they really are .
like the big , buff guy .
he could turn out to be the best singer you've ever heard .
or the ' hobo lady ' you see everyday .
what about her life ?
who is this person ;
each with their own amazing stories behind them ?
yet , somehow , each story seems to fit in with some one else's , to make this great , big one ;
bringing all glory to your name .
it's so simple ; so beautiful ,
yet so incomprehensible .
promise
patience , dear .
---
that's beautifulllllllllllll <33 .
i cant believe how amazing your creation is !
and yet , you are so much infinitely bigger and better :)
---
every spiritual blessing <33 .
---
knock ; seek ; find .
---
that's beautifulllllllllllll <33 .
i cant believe how amazing your creation is !
and yet , you are so much infinitely bigger and better :)
---
every spiritual blessing <33 .
---
knock ; seek ; find .
i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant .
...
you can you can ,
and you will .
...
you can you can ,
and you will .
oh yes im angry .
well , more like annoyed .
but does it matter ?
you'll never find out .
because its unjustified ; stupid ; sinful .
i dont even know why i am .
do you want to know about this dark side of me ?
i dont think so .
im sorry , Lord .
you know ; i am sinful ; dirty .
everything i touch is tainted by how selfish i am .
but with your Grace and Love , ill strive towards you .
well , more like annoyed .
but does it matter ?
you'll never find out .
because its unjustified ; stupid ; sinful .
i dont even know why i am .
do you want to know about this dark side of me ?
i dont think so .
im sorry , Lord .
you know ; i am sinful ; dirty .
everything i touch is tainted by how selfish i am .
but with your Grace and Love , ill strive towards you .
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
hey ; im here .
Did you want something?
Some help? A hand? Just someone to listen to you?
I'm very happy to give it to you :).
Just next time, please ask =\.
Like outright xD.
You don't need to pretend to be actually interested; it hurts when you do.
Just need some one to listen? Sure.
But I don't know why you feel like you need to pretend to actually be interested in what I'm saying. Or to have to pretend to like my advice.
If you need my help, just tell me.
Glad to help <33.
Anytime.
Just knowing you is awesome <33.
Please don't feel obliged.
It makes me feel uncomfortable =33 .
I love you; I care about you,
no matter how weird that sounds.
Some help? A hand? Just someone to listen to you?
I'm very happy to give it to you :).
Just next time, please ask =\.
Like outright xD.
You don't need to pretend to be actually interested; it hurts when you do.
Just need some one to listen? Sure.
But I don't know why you feel like you need to pretend to actually be interested in what I'm saying. Or to have to pretend to like my advice.
If you need my help, just tell me.
Glad to help <33.
Anytime.
Just knowing you is awesome <33.
Please don't feel obliged.
It makes me feel uncomfortable =33 .
I love you; I care about you,
no matter how weird that sounds.
Musicccccccc :)
8 notes ; so simple , to a whole new dimension ;
beautiful way to worship you <33 .
what makes us humans respond to it so well ;
this beautiful gift from heaven ?
maybe it's because it's a piece of you .
i don't know , but i pray we'll use it ,
to bring your people together in worship .
beautiful way to worship you <33 .
what makes us humans respond to it so well ;
this beautiful gift from heaven ?
maybe it's because it's a piece of you .
i don't know , but i pray we'll use it ,
to bring your people together in worship .
confusion .
Who is the real me that you intended me to be ?
Where is the beauty behind the fake , ugly facade ?
I'm finding it hard to see it .
How much of me is fake ?
How much is real ?
Will I keep going on like this ?
I don't think so .
Someday , I will crash .
Who am I ?
I'm not that irritable , moody person I feel myself to be sometimes .
So where's that beautiful being you created ?
These days , I don't feel like the me you made me so much anymore .
So much so that I've forgotten what I look like . Feel like . Love like .
Show me ;
Please .
Where is the beauty behind the fake , ugly facade ?
I'm finding it hard to see it .
How much of me is fake ?
How much is real ?
Will I keep going on like this ?
I don't think so .
Someday , I will crash .
Who am I ?
I'm not that irritable , moody person I feel myself to be sometimes .
So where's that beautiful being you created ?
These days , I don't feel like the me you made me so much anymore .
So much so that I've forgotten what I look like . Feel like . Love like .
Show me ;
Please .
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
' I am ' .
Sometimes it seems easier to run from truth .
But how can you run from truth ?
It's like the truth .
It's there ; it's inevitable .
You can't change it .
It simply is .
On the flip side , imagine what it would be like if you weren't .
But how can you run from truth ?
It's like the truth .
It's there ; it's inevitable .
You can't change it .
It simply is .
On the flip side , imagine what it would be like if you weren't .
Questions about Attraction .
What is it that draws people together ?
Or one to another ?
Why do we enjoy our time together ?
Is it the laughter we share ?
Why is it only temporary ?
What is mutual attraction - infatuation - even if non reciprocated ?
Why is ' love ' so blinding ?
These questions ... How would you answer them ?
Do you feel that big hole in your heart like I do ?
Or are you too busy to notice ? Or too full of other things .
... Or are you too scared to think about it ?
Sometimes , I wish I could read your mind .
But I'm afraid of what I might find ; knowing what goes on in my mind alone .
This darkness ... Eating at the heart , making the hole seem bigger than ever .
... What would I do without you ?
You who fill that gap . Who blesses us beyond anything we could imagine .
And what do you call love that isn't blind to fault ?
I can't think of anything , but you .
Yahweh .
---
yii ~ stomach ache ): .
anyways , need to get a move on with work .
so behind now ><; .
Or one to another ?
Why do we enjoy our time together ?
Is it the laughter we share ?
Why is it only temporary ?
What is mutual attraction - infatuation - even if non reciprocated ?
Why is ' love ' so blinding ?
These questions ... How would you answer them ?
Do you feel that big hole in your heart like I do ?
Or are you too busy to notice ? Or too full of other things .
... Or are you too scared to think about it ?
Sometimes , I wish I could read your mind .
But I'm afraid of what I might find ; knowing what goes on in my mind alone .
This darkness ... Eating at the heart , making the hole seem bigger than ever .
... What would I do without you ?
You who fill that gap . Who blesses us beyond anything we could imagine .
And what do you call love that isn't blind to fault ?
I can't think of anything , but you .
Yahweh .
---
yii ~ stomach ache ): .
anyways , need to get a move on with work .
so behind now ><; .
Monday, February 22, 2010
purely undeserving
It's one thing to worry when there's nothing to worry about .
It's another when it's there ; you haven't done it , and it's due tomorrow .
But you know what ?
What is there to worry about ?
He has defeated death .
He is God with us .
Not death ; not life .
What is bigger than life or death ?
My God :) .
---
Was feeling irritable and icky yesterday .
So i went away to pray ( hey ! that's like triple rhyming lololol xD ) .
Anyways . Was flicking through the gospels .
And then ;
Wow . What a privilege prayer is !
And yet ... I often abuse it .
Or don't use it ._. .
How easily does this passage get misinterpreted !
Like the Prosperity Gospel thing haha ._. .
But anyways , something for me to think about .
How powerful ; faithful and good to us is the one who answers prayer !
It's another when it's there ; you haven't done it , and it's due tomorrow .
But you know what ?
What is there to worry about ?
He has defeated death .
He is God with us .
Not death ; not life .
What is bigger than life or death ?
My God :) .
---
Was feeling irritable and icky yesterday .
So i went away to pray ( hey ! that's like triple rhyming lololol xD ) .
Anyways . Was flicking through the gospels .
And then ;
19"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Wow . What a privilege prayer is !
And yet ... I often abuse it .
Or don't use it ._. .
How easily does this passage get misinterpreted !
Like the Prosperity Gospel thing haha ._. .
But anyways , something for me to think about .
How powerful ; faithful and good to us is the one who answers prayer !
Sunday, February 21, 2010
not the end .
and when the strong fall ,
who is there to catch them ?
when the glue that holds everything together , fails too ,
what next ?
i only pray - and will keep praying - that you will fall ,
to land in the right hands .
it all seems so redundant - from overuse -
but anytime - anytime you need anything ,
i will try .
who is there to catch them ?
when the glue that holds everything together , fails too ,
what next ?
i only pray - and will keep praying - that you will fall ,
to land in the right hands .
it all seems so redundant - from overuse -
but anytime - anytime you need anything ,
i will try .
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
masquerade .
on the motif of facades .
how long will yours last ?
it hurts me to see you use it .
i long to see the real , beautiful you <33 .
how long will yours last ?
it hurts me to see you use it .
i long to see the real , beautiful you <33 .
satisfy .
pathetic fallacy .
the way it works in real life is chilling . not as in pathetic fallacy working literally , but the way it reflects in the way you respond to things ; think things ; write things .
like on beautiful days . just because you feel blah , you see only the bad .
it is chilling not because it`s like a window into the mind , but because it`s a window into a mind that thirsts for something it can`t comprehend .
it`s like ... a window into raw emotion . you can almost see and hear the breaking of your heart .
something
to satisfy ?
the way it works in real life is chilling . not as in pathetic fallacy working literally , but the way it reflects in the way you respond to things ; think things ; write things .
like on beautiful days . just because you feel blah , you see only the bad .
it is chilling not because it`s like a window into the mind , but because it`s a window into a mind that thirsts for something it can`t comprehend .
it`s like ... a window into raw emotion . you can almost see and hear the breaking of your heart .
something
to satisfy ?
本当に。。。 i don`t know .
To be honest , I`ve never opened myself up fully to anyone before , ever , except to my Rock , my Comforter , who knows me better than I know myself . Never failing .
What I tell you sounds weird coming out of my mouth - I've never been good at expressing myself verbally .
I do try , but from what I hear myself , it sounds hollow and fake and false - only a mere fraction of what I actually want to say ; not near enough to the truth to be the truth .
And so I shut up , and hope you understand , which is impossible to wish for , of course xD .
I get accused of hiding extreme thoughts , feelings and emotions behind an impenetrable facade . Of thinking too much . But it`s just the way I taught myself to behave as a child - keeping to myself , cause nobody else understood .
Now they do , but my reserved - ness hasn`t changed .
It`s not good .
Especially
when
I
explode / implode .
And that , is the honest truth .
Now I will click ' publish post ' before I delete this post , like one of many others .
What I tell you sounds weird coming out of my mouth - I've never been good at expressing myself verbally .
I do try , but from what I hear myself , it sounds hollow and fake and false - only a mere fraction of what I actually want to say ; not near enough to the truth to be the truth .
And so I shut up , and hope you understand , which is impossible to wish for , of course xD .
I get accused of hiding extreme thoughts , feelings and emotions behind an impenetrable facade . Of thinking too much . But it`s just the way I taught myself to behave as a child - keeping to myself , cause nobody else understood .
Now they do , but my reserved - ness hasn`t changed .
It`s not good .
Especially
when
I
explode / implode .
And that , is the honest truth .
Now I will click ' publish post ' before I delete this post , like one of many others .
click pause .
eurghhhhhhhhhh .
i have such bad time management skills :( .
anyhow .
need to stop failing , and wasting time thinking about doing work , but not actually doing work xDDD .
---
im sorry , Lord .
how long has it been since ive just talked to you ; simply amazed at your awesome grace ; so in love with you nothing else matters ?
pause . reflect ( haha . like stage directions :) . pygmalion lololol xD ) .
rest in you <33 .
' open my eyes , that i may see wonderful things in your law ' - psalm 119:18 <33 .
this verse = luffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff :)
i have such bad time management skills :( .
anyhow .
need to stop failing , and wasting time thinking about doing work , but not actually doing work xDDD .
---
im sorry , Lord .
how long has it been since ive just talked to you ; simply amazed at your awesome grace ; so in love with you nothing else matters ?
pause . reflect ( haha . like stage directions :) . pygmalion lololol xD ) .
rest in you <33 .
' open my eyes , that i may see wonderful things in your law ' - psalm 119:18 <33 .
this verse = luffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff :)
Monday, February 8, 2010
perfection .
jasminelolreneelau . i miss you :(
hehe ^^; .
but see you tomorrow ! :D
---
i guess i never realised this until i read some one`s blog ( joey`s . thanks mate :) , even though you wouldn`t have been thinking of me when you wrote it , and you won`t be reading this ) .
what`s the point in being all wrapped in all the small things that don`t matter ; being so sensitive and perfectionistic ?
it just drags you down , wastes your energy , and you can`t focus on the bigger picture .
of course , at the same time , details do matter . but like , yeah .
point is , i should stop being so sensitive and pedantic .
i guess it`s what paul`s been saying all along : ' keep your eyes focused on the goal ' ( para - phrasing ) , but i never thought of it this way before . like just look towards Jesus ; put your faith and trust in him . everything else will follow .
like if the bigger picture points towards Him , then all the small things will follow ; fit in , in accordance with his awesome plans .
not the other way around .
so here goes .
thank God for friends to rebuke , remind and encourage us <33
hehe ^^; .
but see you tomorrow ! :D
---
i guess i never realised this until i read some one`s blog ( joey`s . thanks mate :) , even though you wouldn`t have been thinking of me when you wrote it , and you won`t be reading this ) .
what`s the point in being all wrapped in all the small things that don`t matter ; being so sensitive and perfectionistic ?
it just drags you down , wastes your energy , and you can`t focus on the bigger picture .
of course , at the same time , details do matter . but like , yeah .
point is , i should stop being so sensitive and pedantic .
i guess it`s what paul`s been saying all along : ' keep your eyes focused on the goal ' ( para - phrasing ) , but i never thought of it this way before . like just look towards Jesus ; put your faith and trust in him . everything else will follow .
like if the bigger picture points towards Him , then all the small things will follow ; fit in , in accordance with his awesome plans .
not the other way around .
so here goes .
thank God for friends to rebuke , remind and encourage us <33
Friday, February 5, 2010
i will find a way to you if it kills me .
blob :) .
ilovejasonmraz :) .
i love acoustic stuff :) .
but i also love techno ? xD
heh .
musicccc - hearts - .
If it Kills Me - Jason Mraz
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
I wonder what this reminds you of .
ilovejasonmraz :) .
i love acoustic stuff :) .
but i also love techno ? xD
heh .
musicccc - hearts - .
If it Kills Me - Jason Mraz
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
I wonder what this reminds you of .
i miss yous ):
i miss you .
all of yous .
but of course , we have to move on .
form new relationships ; keep going .
keep loving .
at the same time ,
the ones we have now .
<33
yet , the same principle applies : we have to keep moving , before we get run over / down .
though we may wish to stay still forever , we simply can`t .
so may the change be for the better !
all of yous .
but of course , we have to move on .
form new relationships ; keep going .
keep loving .
at the same time ,
the ones we have now .
<33
yet , the same principle applies : we have to keep moving , before we get run over / down .
though we may wish to stay still forever , we simply can`t .
so may the change be for the better !
claustrophobia .
hecticcccccc .
everyday , just more and more homework .
it piles up .
of course , me being the pedantic perfectionist - though , a lazy one -
try to rush it all .
but it never gets done ,
and the pressure just keeps going up .
lately , in a lot of the passages i have analysed since school started , i see claustrophobia ; read it , everywhere .
it`s like a common theme i can`t seem to miss -
this entrapment - of the mind - of the soul - physical - mental - spiritual .
i don`t know if the authors purposely put it in there , or subconciously did so , but all the same , it`s there .
in some degree or another .
( then again , Mr short does choose rather dark passages xD . )
run away .
run ; run , as fast as you can .
go . hide .
screaming inside .
break free .
... from this ...
this ...
thing you don`t understand .
but i never noticed it come upon me .
even before school ;
all the busyness .
watching it . but blind as it slowly overwhelmed me .
the narrow mind .
how heart breaking and frustrating to watch it work .
maybe even yours work .
but never understanding why you`re frustrated and angry and heart broken .
a dry and crusty heart .
tears .
thankyou for teaching me <33 .
so , reading your word , once again , i see a common theme -
how free i am .
but this time , it`s not cryptically encoded .
no need for critical analysis .
so i`ll hide myself in you .
everyday , just more and more homework .
it piles up .
of course , me being the pedantic perfectionist - though , a lazy one -
try to rush it all .
but it never gets done ,
and the pressure just keeps going up .
lately , in a lot of the passages i have analysed since school started , i see claustrophobia ; read it , everywhere .
it`s like a common theme i can`t seem to miss -
this entrapment - of the mind - of the soul - physical - mental - spiritual .
i don`t know if the authors purposely put it in there , or subconciously did so , but all the same , it`s there .
in some degree or another .
( then again , Mr short does choose rather dark passages xD . )
run away .
run ; run , as fast as you can .
go . hide .
screaming inside .
break free .
... from this ...
this ...
thing you don`t understand .
but i never noticed it come upon me .
even before school ;
all the busyness .
watching it . but blind as it slowly overwhelmed me .
the narrow mind .
how heart breaking and frustrating to watch it work .
maybe even yours work .
but never understanding why you`re frustrated and angry and heart broken .
a dry and crusty heart .
tears .
thankyou for teaching me <33 .
so , reading your word , once again , i see a common theme -
how free i am .
but this time , it`s not cryptically encoded .
no need for critical analysis .
so i`ll hide myself in you .
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
you lifted me ; you lifted me out ; and set me dancing ; dancing free .
sometimes ,
it just feels nice to watch sad things ; read sad things ; hear sad things ,
just for the sake of crying .
just cause ,
it feels so good ;
to have outward , physical , solid emotional release -
you feel as if you really really do need it .
wretched , wrack sobs that shake all of you .
it feels good to scream .
crying till you hyperventilate .
it hurts so much inside , but feels so good all the same .
but then afterwards .
you sit there stoned , wondering ' why ; why this breakdown ? why do you feel this way ? why does he do this to me ? ' .
there comes this numbness , like a response to too much pain -
perhaps , the worst bit of it .
or , sometimes , pouring your heart out just opens the wound up , bigger .
tender .
yet all the same , you still cry on the inside for release .
release from what ?
you dont know .
just .
why ?
why this ? why me ?
what is it ?
i know ; i know .
and yet , i cant get my head around it .
around why .
it builds up ;
this thing .
you dont know why , or what it is .
well , you do . but it doesnt make sense .
he promised rainbow ? where is that rainbow ?
you know - it will come . but will you wait for it ?
small things trigger it ;
small things ; the kind of things you used to find joy in .
the early morning sun ; a child`s smile that warms your heart .
replaced by fits of anger ; fear ; anxiety .
but
all i really needed was
patience and trust in you ( faith ) .
cause you provided
everything else .
all i needed
was you .
yes ; i couldnt see
where it was going .
why i was going .
but that`s how you work -
in weird and wonderful ways .
your amazing plans -
our lives billions of little threads all entwined ,
in your capable , capable hands .
these delicate little threads .
yet , you weave them together yourself so intricately ,
pour yourself into them ,
and you will make the greatest tapestry , ever .
and now these three remain : faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love <33
it just feels nice to watch sad things ; read sad things ; hear sad things ,
just for the sake of crying .
just cause ,
it feels so good ;
to have outward , physical , solid emotional release -
you feel as if you really really do need it .
wretched , wrack sobs that shake all of you .
it feels good to scream .
crying till you hyperventilate .
it hurts so much inside , but feels so good all the same .
but then afterwards .
you sit there stoned , wondering ' why ; why this breakdown ? why do you feel this way ? why does he do this to me ? ' .
there comes this numbness , like a response to too much pain -
perhaps , the worst bit of it .
or , sometimes , pouring your heart out just opens the wound up , bigger .
tender .
yet all the same , you still cry on the inside for release .
release from what ?
you dont know .
just .
why ?
why this ? why me ?
what is it ?
i know ; i know .
and yet , i cant get my head around it .
around why .
it builds up ;
this thing .
you dont know why , or what it is .
well , you do . but it doesnt make sense .
he promised rainbow ? where is that rainbow ?
you know - it will come . but will you wait for it ?
small things trigger it ;
small things ; the kind of things you used to find joy in .
the early morning sun ; a child`s smile that warms your heart .
replaced by fits of anger ; fear ; anxiety .
but
all i really needed was
patience and trust in you ( faith ) .
cause you provided
everything else .
all i needed
was you .
yes ; i couldnt see
where it was going .
why i was going .
but that`s how you work -
in weird and wonderful ways .
your amazing plans -
our lives billions of little threads all entwined ,
in your capable , capable hands .
these delicate little threads .
yet , you weave them together yourself so intricately ,
pour yourself into them ,
and you will make the greatest tapestry , ever .
and now these three remain : faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love <33
Monday, February 1, 2010
k33 MidKnight
LYRICS (2008) aj rafael
there's this place it's called home
but for me i dont know where to go
i dont know what im supposed to be
or who i am i feel so damn lost in the cold
there's this thing called the heart
well mine beats in the rhythm of the dark
i cant find what my purpose is or who i am
i feel so damn lost in this world
chorus:
saving the world's not enough
maybe if i knew a little more about love
than i could finally find who i am
and then you'll agree--
there's more to me than what you see
i can't think anymore
all my thoughts are all scattered on this floor
i'm blinded by all the city lights and hopeless dreams
reality escapes from my soul
and i know that there's someone above
watching and giving me the power to love
but i'm distracted by corruption and the ignorance
this world is killing me--
there's more to me than what you see
chorus
there's this place it's called home
but for me i dont know where to go
i dont know what im supposed to be
or who i am i feel so damn lost in the cold
there's this thing called the heart
well mine beats in the rhythm of the dark
i cant find what my purpose is or who i am
i feel so damn lost in this world
chorus:
saving the world's not enough
maybe if i knew a little more about love
than i could finally find who i am
and then you'll agree--
there's more to me than what you see
i can't think anymore
all my thoughts are all scattered on this floor
i'm blinded by all the city lights and hopeless dreams
reality escapes from my soul
and i know that there's someone above
watching and giving me the power to love
but i'm distracted by corruption and the ignorance
this world is killing me--
there's more to me than what you see
chorus
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