Oh, you don't know me at all.
But neither do I. (See, I am not trying to blame/flame/whatever at all. I'm just saying.)

Though you may have lost faith in people, never lose faith in the goodness of the Lord :).

All Yours.

You thought of us before the world began to breathe
You knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we fall away from you
and how desperately we need to be redeemed
Lord Jesus, come lead us
We're desperate for your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that you would reign in us

---

I seriously do not know what else to pray.

I am exhausted.

Vanities.

There are soft fuzzy yellow circles
Hanging like crystals in front of you
You reach your hand out in wonderment.

It's almost romantic, the way they sparkle
Like the eyes of the girl in your mind
The flower in her hair
The diamonds around her elegant neck
She's yours
She smiles
So sweetly at the sight of you.

But when you reach out your hand to take hers
You meet nothing.

There you are, suspended in nothing
Thinking of the girl with the sweet smile
As she vanishes
And your tears pour out hot in frustration.

And the circles crystallize
The light refracts
All the more brilliantly.

Hmm. Something to think about.

“Concerning the transgression of the wicked,” David observed that there is “no fear of God before his eyes.” The person described here is one we’ve all met many times, perhaps even in the mirror. This is the person who knows little about real reverence. He or she is self-sufficient, content to satisfy “self” in whatever way seems best at the moment. Reverence may be acceptable in theory, this person would say, but in practice it shouldn’t stand between us and the things we really desire.

Thanks Becki! ^_^

You Hold Me Now- Hillsong United

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

Closing In.

Empty walls,
Screaming your name.

---

On tumblr, on my dashboard, more than half the photos are of people kissing, people making out, people holding hands, people 'in love'.

Isn't it funny how so many of us girls reblog these things, and yet, in real life, how many guys we know are actually that sweet?

Is it that these photos are completely fake- completely composed? That there is no such thing as love? I don't believe so. Just maybe not love the way you think it is. And love, not so soon.

(Lol it's like:
Song of Solomon 2:7

7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
!'

Wow I'm so undeserving ><;.
But you love me anyway.

Thankyou for Your Love :D

Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day two: nine things about yourself.
Day three: eight ways to win your heart.
Day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day five: six things you wish you’d never done.
Day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day seven: four turn offs.
Day eight: three turn ons.
Day nine: two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day ten: one confession

---

I'm tired, and just woke up from a long sleep, and feel like doing this instead of studying. Heh.

Sorry I don't have much time- I should be studying for eco!!! Argh- so this is going to be short and sweet, and from the heart.

1) Dear Jas:
I'm sorry I've been a terrible friend lately. Sorry =\. We've shared a lot of awesome memories (haha thinking of them makes me laugh xD). You make me laugh :).

2) Dear Renee:
HAHAHAHAHA you're such a funny kid :). You're the unique-est person I ever know- on the outside, you look like a uljjang tb (so pretty naturally- it looks like you're all made up, but it's all natural? Hehe), but on the inside you're even prettier!

3) Dear Mayo:
You make me laugh so much, noob! Hehehehehehehehe :). Words can't describe how nubcake you are. I love you so much sis! You are one amazing noooooooooooooooooob :).

4) Dear Elena:
You're beautiful- inside and out! God made you so strangely wonderful- I love the way you listen and care (though you know I'm not the greatest 'sharer' ><;), and your random spastic-ness that makes me laugh. But even beyond that, you have the strangest, weirdest thoughts? On people and life. It sounds cliche and dodgy, I know, but you're so 'deep and thoughtful and perceptive'. Sometimes, you see through people, right to the heart.

5) Dear Keely, Vicky, Nat, Orla, Kiwi, Minji, Dani (+ jas and mayo hehe): Where to begin? The first time I met you guys, I was the massivest noob everrrrrr. I was scared. Nervous. That trembling type, you know? Leaving butterflies in your tummy, and your hands shaking in nervous apprehension. But you guys were- how can I describe this in words?- so loving, and so supportive, and so funny (hehe) and completely accepting of me, from the very first day. We've been through a lot of random stuff- heaps of jokes, sometimes slight disagreements, awesome talks, and best of all- awesome fellowship! God bless you guys! I'm going to miss you year 12s sososososososososo muchly! :(

6) Dear Oli, JH, JC, Panda, Tony, Matt, Jono: Haha same goes to you guys xD. Right now, I'm smiling like a massive retard, thinking of you guys. You're so funny :) and noob at some times, but what makes me smile most of all is you guys' passion for Christ. You're always striving towards godliness, and I'm so proud of all of you!

7) Dear Stan, Man... Year 10. So fun xD. Good times pass quickly, ne? I love your (really really really really lame) jokes and wisecracks and puns, and your insults that totally make heaps of sense (hehe do we ever make sense xD?) and your noobness and your turtleness <33. But I also love the way you love and care so much, and when you're serious- you're serious and responsible. I hope I can be there anytime for you =33. Love you twoWIN!

8) Dear Allan: Heh. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB :). Jokes. I love you bro! I love talking to you, even though you insult me sometimes, and call me weird things other times (I'M A PINK FLOWER. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :) ), and you have a strange sense of humour. God made you special, and he's doing amazing things in you! :DDD I'm so happy to be part of it.

9) Dear Brendaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Lau :) : Dear sister, I know it's been really hard for you lately, and I'm sorry I'm not always there for you when you need me, and I'm sorry I'm not the best comforter or the best person to talk to when you're down. I'm sorry for a lot of things =\. But thankyou for so many things- you've taught me so many things about life, and me myself.

You make me appreciate the finer, spontaneous, strange things in life, you, with your amazing artiness (lol free spirit!), photos, lame jokes and complete randomness!

You make me laugh so much :). Love you, freakkkkkkk.

10) Dear Crush: (lol)
I've liked you now for... 5 months? Nearing 6.

And we still haven't progressed anywhere in our relationship, beyond the 'Hey sup?' 'Can I pray for you?' 'I'm fine thanks.'

I really admire you. Did you know that? You have no idea whatsoever that I like you :). It's quite funny. I think many other people have guessed.

But still, you still have no idea I exist sometimes xD. Our relationship is so awkward and weird- I have no idea where I stand with you.

But that's okay. Like, it's not because you don't like me- I know you care for me, as a brother- or because I'm not good conversation, or because I'm not 'pretty', or any of those things- you and I are so different- worlds apart, it feels like, sometimes.

I see you in the near future, with a beautiful wife and children- even more beautiful than you P;. You'd be an excellent father, and it makes me smile, just thinking of it. ^_______^

I don't 'require' you, or 'need' you or want to 'own' you- I just pray that you'll let me be your loving sister- helping to grow you, and love you. Sometimes, my feelings get in the way, though.

It's so hard. It gets annoying sometimes (my feelings, that is).

But I'm confident in Him- that he will keep growing you, into someone even more amazing than who you are today- in spite of me, and through me too, hopefully :).

On that note, despite still being attracted to you, I thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink it's gotten better now- I'm moving on from 'that phase', being distracted 'thinking of you'. Haha.

11) SHUSH I'M WAY OVER LIMIT, AND I'VE LEFT OUT HEAPS OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO MEAN HEAPS TO ME (e.g. Lisa, Cath, BeD, Shirley, Bella, Carmen, Alison, GAH sorry I can't spend the next hour listing people :(. I love you guys so much!) BUT I WANNA DO ONE MORE.

Dear George:

Wow did you know it's almost exactly one year since we met? I don't know if you still remember (man I was such a noob back then. Still am, but you know :) )- it was at ISCF year 12 farewell. And you had that streamer around your head, and it left a funny blue mark on your face hehe :D.

Well, I went home thinking, 'Cool. I met this cool year 12 called George today', and almost would have forgotten about you (><;) when I bumped into you again on that Saturday! (Well, at least I thiiiiiink it was that exactly Saturday) It was at Angela Bee's party (She's such an amazing girl! Hehe), and we were like 'WHOAAAAAA. I know you!' xD. And then I added you on facebook. And wow. Even though I don't know you like really well or anything, I always love talking to you :). You always make me smile, with your encouraging words, and strange way of talking (lolololol) :D. You care so much about me/for me, as your little sister, and sometimes I feel 'Whoa, God, I don't deserve this. But thankyou anyway for your love, through all my amazing brothers and sisters and friends'.

Was talking to Renee about this-
and feel like blogging now:

It's really quite disgusting, all the excuses I come up with to justify my own actions.

What's really funny is that they never work.
But I still keep doing it.

Ha.

Help keep me accountable for my own actions? =33

Our Disease.

Ever seeing but never seeing.
Ever hearing, but never taking to heart,
Are you&&I, stubborn, stubborn people.

And yet, if you ever read this- chances are, you won't- you'll simply nod wisely;
'I know right. I so agree',
And never see that
Maybe it lies in you
And it's so hard to get through to you
I just want to love you

But you think that you and I are fine
But we're not fine-
We're going down,
And we're blind
And we think we're fine
And can see

You don't have to care for what I say-
I don't care if you don't.
But it's not my words I'm speaking.

At the same time, me too.
If I'm ever being prideful and stubborn, tell me so.

Blame

Pass it around,
Like Hot Potato-
Oh, all the better if it drops.

Let us forget the smush underfoot.

Tell me, tell me.
Are you any better than reality?

Time Cannot Overtake Us.

A hundred;
A thousand;
Passing time
We are passing time.

Maybe.

Did you forget
How it felt
To be forgotten?

Very well,
Farewell my friend.
I'll be here waiting
For you to come home.

In the meantime,
I'll just love you absently.

---

There was a time, maybe,
When I would have waited for you forever
Pining away
Stewing in my own insecurities.

But I am the strong one now.

Not by my own strength, but by one who will never leave me
As you
Never cared.

And I will dance with you
Into eternity
Forever.

And you will be
Who you will be
When no one is around.

My printer sounds like it's in pain.
Ugh ><;

I love Jeremy Fowler :)

All alone,
You surround me
And you found me.

So tell me why you care.

I can't dance (though I really really really wish I could), but I don't careeeeeeeeeeee :).

I wanna be like King David- singing and dancing with all my might to the Mighty God :).

There's something wrong, if you don't think that there's something wrong.
Well, are you willing to make it work?

she's so beautiful, and I tell her everyday

&& when you smile, the whole world stops and stares a while.

:)

Hehe Renee. Love this song :).

Hold Me Now

Daddy? I'm scared ><;
You know me; even better than I know myself.
I can't save me.

But you- you will be with me always. You have never let me down, and you will not ever, ever let me go.

It feels like it's getting harder and harder each day- maybe.
I hear about worse and worse things all the time.
The world is getting sicker and sicker.

I worry.
So much.
But what is there to worry about?
Life sucks. But you are by far greater, and true life and true love with you awaits- forevermore.

A Little Pain

A distant memory of pain.
I had forgotten the bitter taste of disappointment.
I had forgotten what it felt like to be sad.

---

Teeheeeeeeeeeee :).
Writing up snippets of my short story.
Might include this bit. Or not? Dunno.
Just felt like writing.

Honestly, the only thing (I can think of) that I hate about being a girl is the fact that we have feelings.

Feelings that make it really hard to get over things; feelings that make you very sensitive and thus vulnerable sometimes; feelings that make you moody; feelings that make you confused.

I guess that's why we make good mothers; we're sensitive, perceptive and intuitive.

It's just that feelings get in the way so much.

It's... Annoying, dare I say =\.

1 Timothy 1:12-17

12I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 13Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

15Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. 17Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Your Precious Ones Need You

My God, my God,
At the expense (okay not an expense; I don't care!) of sounding like a child- you are so amazing! I really don't know what else to say- I feel like my vocab is limited more than ever; no words could ever express how awesome you are!
You blow my mind away.
You, beautiful one.
The one I love, who loves me so much greater by far!

Jesus is indeed the saving one!

Keep holding onto your precious ones, please.

---

I thought I saw you in the summer sky;
You looked at me,
And I saw the stars in your eyes.

I LOVE NEW EMPIRE!!!
JEREMY FOWLER. LOL.
Love his solo album :)

A Little Bit of Beauty

A little bit of beauty
Is immediately undercut by something ugly;
All the while, an undercurrent of bitterness carves its way through your heart,
Eroding bit by bit,
Until you
Give way.

But I will not give way. I will cling to the little bit of beauty, as you grow me into more and more of You.

Psalm 126:2-3

“...Then it was said amongst the nations: ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’ The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy.”

Death- John Clare

Why should man's high aspiring mind
Burn in him with so proud a breath,
When all his haughty views can find
In this world yields to death?
The fair, the brave, the vain, the wise,
The rich, the poor, the great, and small,
Are each but worm's anatomies
To strew his quiet hall.

Power may make many earthly gods,
Where gold and bribery's guilt prevails,
But death's unwelcome, honest odds
Kick o'er the unequal scales.
The flattered great may clamours raise
Of power, and their own weakness hide,
But death shall find unlooked-for ways
To end the farce of pride,

An arrow hurtled eer so high,
From een a giant's sinewy strength,
In Time's untraced eternity
Goes but a pigmy length;
Nay, whirring from the tortured string,
With all its pomp of hurried flight,
Tis by the skylark's little wing
Outmeasured in its height.

Just so man's boasted strength and power
Shall fade before death's lightest stroke,
Laid lower than the meanest flower,
Whose pride oer-topt the oak;
And he who, like a blighting blast,
Dispeopled worlds with war's alarms
Shall be himself destroyed at last
By poor despised worms.

Tyrants in vain their powers secure,
And awe slaves' murmurs with a frown,
For unawed death at last is sure
To sap the babels down.
A stone thrown upward to the sky
Will quickly meet the ground agen;
So men-gods of earth's vanity
Shall drop at last to men;

And Power and Pomp their all resign,
Blood-purchased thrones and banquet halls.
Fate waits to sack Ambition's shrine
As bare as prison walls,
Where the poor suffering wretch bows down
To laws a lawless power hath passed;
And pride, and power, and king, and clown
Shall be Death's slaves at last.

Time, the prime minister of Death!
There's nought can bribe his honest will.
He stops the richest tyrant's breath
And lays his mischief still.
Each wicked scheme for power all stops,
With grandeurs false and mock display,
As eve's shades from high mountain tops
Fade with the rest away.

Death levels all things in his march;
Nought can resist his mighty strength;
The palace proud, triumphal arch,
Shall mete its shadow's length.
The rich, the poor, one common bed
Shall find in the unhonoured grave,
Where weeds shall crown alike the head
Of tyrant and of slave.

Mad Mother

Over-and-over again,
Her heart will break.

Why offer yourself up for a lifetime of complete vulnerability?

It's something I will never comprehend, until one day, it's my turn.
I can only imagine the wideness, deepness, gentleness and tenderness of her passion; the fierce intensity with which she protects her child; holds it to her breast.

It's crazy, but then again, it's love.

Sacrifice after sacrifice.
But worth every one.

---

Her eyes are wild, her head is bare,
The sun has burnt her coal-black hair,
Her eye-brows have a rusty stain,
And she came far from over the main.
She has a baby on her arm,
Or else she were alone;
And underneath the hay-stack warm,
And on the green-wood stone,
She talked and sung the woods among;
And it was in the English tongue.

"Sweet babe! they say that I am mad,
But nay, my heart is far too glad;
And I am happy when I sing
Full many a sad and doleful thing:
Then, lovely baby, do not fear!
I pray thee have no fear of me,
But, safe as in a cradle, here
My lovely baby! thou shalt be,
To thee I know too much I owe;
I cannot work thee any woe."

A fire was once within my brain;
And in my head a dull, dull pain;
And fiendish faces one, two, three,
Hung at my breasts, and pulled at me.
But then there came a sight of joy;
It came at once to do me good;
I waked, and saw my little boy,
My little boy of flesh and blood;
Oh joy for me that sight to see!
For he was here, and only he.

Suck, little babe, oh suck again!
It cools my blood; it cools my brain;
Thy lips I feel them, baby! they
Draw from my heart the pain away.
Oh! press me with thy little hand;
It loosens something at my chest;
About that tight and deadly band
I feel thy little fingers press'd.
The breeze I see is in the tree;
It comes to cool my babe and me.

Oh! love me, love me, little boy!
Thou art thy mother's only joy;
And do not dread the waves below,
When o'er the sea-rock's edge we go;
The high crag cannot work me harm,
Nor leaping torrents when they howl;
The babe I carry on my arm,
He saves for me my precious soul;
Then happy lie, for blest am I;
Without me my sweet babe would die.

Then do not fear, my boy! for thee
Bold as a lion I will be;
And I will always be thy guide,
Through hollow snows and rivers wide.
I'll build an Indian bower; I know
The leaves that make the softest bed:
And if from me thou wilt not go.
But still be true 'till I am dead,
My pretty thing! then thou shalt sing,
As merry as the birds in spring.

Thy father cares not for my breast,
'Tis thine, sweet baby, there to rest:
'Tis all thine own! and if its hue
Be changed, that was so fair to view,
'Tis fair enough for thee, my dove!
My beauty, little child, is flown;
But thou will live with me in love,
And what if my poor cheek be brown?
'Tis well for me, thou canst not see
How pale and wan it else would be.

Dread not their taunts, my little life!
I am thy father's wedded wife;
And underneath the spreading tree
We two will live in honesty.
If his sweet boy he could forsake,
With me he never would have stay'd:
From him no harm my babe can take,
But he, poor man! is wretched made,
And every day we two will pray
For him that's gone and far away.

I'll teach my boy the sweetest things;
I'll teach him how the owlet sings.
My little babe! thy lips are still,
And thou hast almost suck'd thy fill.
--Where art thou gone my own dear child?
What wicked looks are those I see?
Alas! alas! that look so wild,
It never, never came from me:
If thou art mad, my pretty lad,
Then I must be for ever sad.

Oh! smile on me, my little lamb!
For I thy own dear mother am.
My love for thee has well been tried:
I've sought thy father far and wide.
I know the poisons of the shade,
I know the earth-nuts fit for food;
Then, pretty dear, be not afraid;
We'll find thy father in the wood.
Now laugh and be gay, to the woods away!
And there, my babe; we'll live for aye.

Nothing Like Home

Nothing feels as good as running, crawling, falling back into your arms; being held in your embrace; just seeing, feeling, smelling, hearing, tasting your glory.

Whether it be a good or bad or busy or slow day, it doesn't matter.

Knowing you is enough.

Look Up.

Dance, dance, dance;
See how fast your feet move!
They cheer you on.

Enraptured by the blur that is your feet (lol renee xDDD);
Looking down, too busy to see where you're going.

With every step you take, you're getting further and further away.

Enjoying Life.

Spent some quality time with Becki, Isaac and Gary today on the train home from RICE zones.

Okay; our lame jokes and putting down of one another can hardly be called 'quality' time, but you know what? Just chilling and enjoying each others' company sometimes > all.

Perhaps they didn't think much of it, but it is times like these that I become most aware of how precious and beautiful the other person/their company/their presence is; times like these in which I become aware of something much greater than life and its immediate/impending pressures.

We just... Talked. Laughed. (Gary, the science grad he is, tested a hypothesis on Becki with interesting results P;)

Becki and Isaac are the cutest brother and sister combo ever. Their genuine warmth, yet cheeky affection for one another was a privilege to behold/be part of.

Admittedly, this is just a glimpse of what the speaker talked about today; 'I have come so that you may have life, and life to the full'. But it was beautiful.

And if the tiniest glimpse of it is amazing, imagine how awesome the fullness of it will be!

"I Don't Know"

She pushes
and she pulls;
she is restless;
her heart never content
with either.

A compromise?
Her affections are ever-changing;
Her affectations greater still.

It seems to be,
that there is no better option
than to just go with the flow.

She is wrought by insecurity.

So, like, I have one paragraph to to for ext eng.

GO DO IT. NOW.

Post Modernism Is Killing My Mind.

Cassie and I concluded today that we're crazy.

---

I wonder what you see.
We all see things differently, right? I wonder just how different we are. And similar.

What would it be like to look at the world, as you, for a day?

She's too wrapped up in all these things, to realise how beautiful life can be.

And she's like, "I'm sorry. I'm not good enough for you."
She chokes back tears, and she thinks of the million other girls prettier, smarter, better than her.

And he's like, "I have made you worthy."

Listen

I'm so sick of it all.
Can we just like shut up, and
no more judging
no more harsh words
no false pretences;
can we just be vulnerable and humble?

No more sad love songs;
no more flaming;
no more 'I'm too good for this';
no more 'strong opinions';
could we just shut up, just shut up, shut up and come, simply, humbly
before the King.

Only then will we be lifted up.

Please. Don't get me wrong- I love the sound of your voice.

And what you're saying may be beautiful.

But if you don't shut up, you might just miss that whisper.

No One is as Lovely as You Are

This is where I can't, I can't, I can't
do anything
at all
but pray fervently
that you will save me.

See, I'm weak; I've been trying
but I simply can't do it.

Will you do it for me?

You promise me you will never let me down;
you who see the big picture.

Baby :)

Yay! Church friends apparently have a new baby now! (Lol that sounds weird, like the baby just suddenly appeared)

I've always wondered how it feels like to have a baby. Especially your first child.

It's like... Your whole life changed overnight?

Suddenly a huge responsibility put on you.
A new life to nurture; a new mouth to feed.

A part of you, and the one you love.
How amazing is that?

To the world, it's just another human being now;
Another first breath; see who gets the last breath now.
Fight for the best.

And it's so incredibly vulnerable;
Essentially deaf and blind and lame and mute.
You can't protect it anymore.
It will make its own decisions from now on.

But all this? I don't think you'd care.
You'd be too busy, falling in love with those eyes- perhaps a bit small to be conventionally 'cute' or 'pretty' when it grows up- those ears- just a bit big- those tiny feet.

Marveling at what hand; what design could have created this tiny piece of wonder. (On that note, the hundreds of nerves that make up the thing that is your eye? I don't believe we could 'evolve' that so perfectly =33)

You're in love; you're in love :).
From day one.
It's just more and more amazement and wonder and beauty, everyday from now on.

---

We often say 'God delights in us, because he created us, beautiful'.

And I used to always think, 'cool; so God's like an artist, falling in love with his artwork', and think that it would be in the same way as one of us writing a really nice song and falling in love with it, or writing a poem or taking a photo, or something cool.

It's beautiful, right? So it deserves 'loving'.

But you know what? I'd forgotten his love.

So now, as I look back and reflect, I can't believe I missed it earlier.

He loves us, as a father marvels at the beauty of a child.

(How awesome it is, that we have earthly fathers to model a small-scale version of this love!)

Recycle :)

Don't you just wish time would stop sometimes?
I wish time would stop, so I could sleep all I wanted :).
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

---

I really like to recycle things, but what can I do with discarded flyers? They're made of really pretty paper, and are printed so nicely. Would be a waste to chuck them out, after reading the info on them. And I can't use them as scrap paper either; pen ink wouldn't show through.

Hmm. Maybe I'll keep some, to make something out of them. Maybe cut them up in squares and patchwork a book? I shall see.

But my mum hates me collecting 'rubbish' D;.

---

Yay just made a notebook out of paper. Will contact it soon.

Settling for Second Best. (Ramble #2); Contentment With Discontentment

Today, Mr. Short talked about the recurring theme of contentment with mundaneness/mundanity? (dunno which word it is :() in TS Eliot's and WB Yate's poems.

It was actually something I picked up in 'Morning at the Window'; there seemed to be this sort of resignation, in the fact that the world is screwed up, and life is empty and meaningless, but we can't do anything about it; therefore, we need to just accept life the way it is.

'Contentment with Discontentment' is how I phrased it in my analysis lol.

But I dunno he never talked about it then, and I thought I was just over-reading the poem.

Except today, when he talked about it, it really shocked me. It seemed to be a completely foreign and shocking idea; that some one would actually live their life by this kind of philosophy?

Well, I was thinking about it just then in the shower (lol; I think of everything in the shower), and I think I know why I was so shocked now.

Okay, so my social circle consists of, basically: NSGs, NSBs, other selective school goers, churchies, other Christian brothers and sisters from various schools and unis.

The demographics of everyone is shockingly, astounding, shamefully (to me) similar.

And, so, this kind of demographic produces many of the same people: as NSGs and other academically 'smart' people, we know we're smart; we're self-motivated (in general); we all profess to have some sort of purpose. Even if not anything 'big', e.g. discovering a cure for cancer, most of us still have some goal, right? To be doctors, lawyers, dentists; and to go from there- we know we have potential, and we strive to fulfill it.

And as Christians, similarly, we have purpose and amazing stuff to look forward to in Him!

The other alternative, also quite common, unfortunately, is often depression. Crashing; falling.

But to hear some one say they're fine with staying mundane? Mediocre?

Honestly, for a moment, as I heard Mr. Short suggest this notion, I thought, 'what's wrong with it?' I mean, it seems to be reality (lol; ironically, it's a post-modern idea, and in post-modernism, there is no real, true 'truth' or 'reality)- life sucks, and there's nothing we can do about it.

But okay.
Most people have a goal in life to be happy. Will mediocrity, mundanity and boredom make you happy? I don't know. I shouldn't think so, but if you seriously would be content, then I have no right to say anything.

And there's a lot of other points as to why this notion does not really work out, but that's not my point.

I guess I have gotten two main things out of my musings (lol):
1. The people I'm associated with- I'm ashamed of how narrow my friendship group is. As this song I'm listening to right now (Ocean of Mine- Playjerise. LOVE THIS SONG), 'why is it so easy to stay in the same place?'- I need to step out of my comfort zone. There is a whole world out there; but also individuals, in need of love.

2. Settling for second best reminds me of what Adro talked about at RICE Revo: luke-warmness. Our Father has given us 'every spiritual gift' there is (Ephesians), and longs to amaze and love us.

May we let him do so.

Ramble#1

It's a scary thought how sensitive and emotional we are about terrible events that we are still suffering the after-effects from- for example, WWII and the holocaust, vowing 'never again'- and yet history has shown again and again that all this will soon fade away into more numbers and statistics and photos and insignificance.

If you don't believe me, just look further back.

We read of all the raping and pillaging some thousand years back with a sense of disdain/distaste, believing we have progressed very far, from 'back in the day'. Thus, their wars and struggles were insignificant- we are fighting much bigger battles nowadays, with the war against nuclear weapons, terrorists, etc.. But who is to say that any pain and suffering inflicted today is > (including in importance) any hurt inflicted in any point in history?

I argue that the emotional, physical and spiritual damage (and any other damage possible) is immeasurable- both quantitatively and qualitatively; thus, the above point holds true.

(To clarify and expand on that point, and as an example of how pain is relative to the individual's experience of it at a given point in time, take me for example. If I were to suddenly get my finger chopped off right now, I would probably feel as if I were experiencing the worst pain in the world. But perhaps just a month before, I had said the same thing of a stomach ache. My point being, us humans are very narrow minded; we can only see what's straight ahead in front of ourselves)

Yet, we seem to have forgotten all about it.

Okay I'm rambling. But I find it interesting to think about things. Perhaps I think too much.

Safe.

Why is admitting you're wrong considered a weakness?
Why, when some one admits that they're a screwed up, messed up person, does everyone immediately assume they're insecure/have self-esteem issues?

As a society, we are obsessed with the notion of 'standing up for oneself'; of self-worth and self-esteem. These are all great things. But don't you think this has all gone too far?

People will avoid blame at any cost. Admitting you're wrong has become something of a taboo.

'Standing your ground' is much 'cooler' and 'braver'.

It's actually quite ironic that admitting that you're a human that makes mistakes is much harder than inventing a whole web of lies. I mean, making mistakes is something we all do.

So, I believe admitting you're wrong is braver. You're humbled; you're vulnerable; you're stripped of all pretenses; you're you.

The first step.

Well, I admit I'm messed up. (And I admit I do feel insecure and worthless sometimes, too). But I believe there's hope, and strength out there that is not my own. And that He loves us, so incredibly much; so much so that I don't have to worry about being messed up anymore.

Sometimes, I cry. Sometimes, I'm scared. Sometimes I feel terrible. Frustrated. Guilty. Honestly, I am weak and pitiful.

But let me never forget that the story does not end there (thank God!).

Daddy, You Break Me, Make Me.

Mess, mess, mess.
What am I but more mess?

Crumble.

---

I heard the sound of your first breath
A brand new life on your mother’s chest
A beating heart, expectant eyes
On the first day of your life
I saw you take your first step
And I watched you run with no regret
To chase your dreams and find true love
And the best is yet to come

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Remember how you felt from across the room
When you realized someone had eyes for you
And the way your heart sang cuz you believed
You were worth something

So come with me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live
Oh, I’ll show you how to live

Cuz I created your heart
That makes you feel
I am the love that makes it real
Oh, I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One

So come with Me
I’ll show you life
Even better than this
Come with Me
I’ll show you love
You didn’t know could exist
Better than your first crush
Better than your first kiss
I’ll show you how to live

Cause I am the One, I’m the One, I’m the One
I am the one, I’m the One, I’m the One

---

I'm trying, I'm trying.

Haha my nose is red now; my eyes glazed over xD. I look funny :).

"I Will Go"

The slightest hint of a smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

I will not stop you.
Go, go, go out there, where you belong.

Let me not become a hindrance.

Mess

Yuckyuckyuck.
I hate mess; physical, emotional, spiritual...
Eww.

Cleanse me, please.

Not Helpful.

Ahhhhh.
Sorry I shouldn't have.
Please forgive me.

What was I thinking?

I thought I had my eyes wide open; I do believe they were.
I fell asleep with my eyes open.

What did I do to deserve anything?
I feel so unworthy.

My mind can't even comprehend it.

But my heart does.

How He Loves Us

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves so.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Cause He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Hey beautiful one!
You are amazing. Did you know that?
Probably not.

Every single one of you.

What I'm Giving Up

I don't know- can you really count it as 'giving up'?
I mean, it's so petty.
Really.

In light of all you've done, and all you continue to do, and will do.

I don't know.
In the world's eyes, I'm a failure. I have completely failed my duty as daughter, sister, friend, student, etc.

But somehow, I am still of infinite worth to you.
Hmm. This is hard to comprehend.

So thankyou for disciplining me.
You know it breaks my heart, but it's what pure and what's good, and it's not about me at all.

Thankyou for working through me, in me and in spite of me.

Price Ceilings and Floors

I wish with all my heart that my heart would follow my head.
Somehow give in, from being unnecessarily sentimental and stubborn.

But there still remains a huge discrepancy; a gap if you were to graph the two. A discontinuous graph haha.

So how to fill it up?
In economics, in the context of a supply and demand curve, if you don't like where the supply and demand meet, at equilibrium, you can easily adjust that by setting price floors or ceilings.

Like a bridge between the two, forcing them to meet.

I guess, here, the same thing can be applied.
After all, price floors and ceilings are simply restrictions set by the government.

So in the same way, I need to guard my heart, while at the same time making sure my thoughts remain pure. Make sure neither venture where they should not.

Then can something beautiful happen.

Sure, there will be some sort of shortfall or overabundance of stock, at first. But in the end, everything will balance out, to create a more efficient allocation of resources in the economy!

Yay!

So much stuff to do but no concentration.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I Don't Care I Don't Care; All I Need Is You.

I don't know what you're doing;
it hurts it hurts it hurts.
But no matter what you're doing,
no matter how much it hurts,
I only ask that you not withhold yourself from me.

It hurts sosososo muchly
how it seems like you're silent
or maybe I just can't see you.

I don't know what it is.

But Daddy, I don't care-
as long as you're with me.

You tell me to count the costs.
Well, everything fades away in comparison;
If only I had You;
If only all I had was You.

See, every step I take now is painful- I am holding on to the things of this world.

I want to give it all up for You.

Then, may I delight in all of You.

Where are you going?
Do you want to go there?

Where are you going to end up?

Be careful, darling.

Oh Be Careful Little Tongue.

"Of course I love you";
The words slip so carelessly out of your mouth;
You barely even taste what you're saying.

Your eyes betray nothing special;
deep pools of black, as usual,
shining ever-so-brightly,
as usual.

Does it mean nothing to you?
Or does it flow so naturally that this is who you are?
Or do I read you incorrectly?

I don't know; I may not know you well enough to be able to tell.

All I can say is, if you don't really truly mean it- aren't prepared to really love, with all you are; in action and speech and thought, don't say it, ne?
Just be truthful, please :).
I really don't mind; just please don't lie.

And I mean this in terms of everyone; please don't give them false hope; empty promises.

I hope I can love you no matter what.

Imperfection.

But it goes further than that. It's not just about being noob and making mistakes.

I'm so proud and stubborn and judgmental and assuming, and it's taking its toll on me.
I'm so 'busy' and self-absorbed.

Have not blogged for what seems like ages because of half yearlies.
And need to finish eco notes now ahhhhhhh!
So behind. Probably won't finish :(.

Will blog later. After exams.

workworkwork! rest.

Yay! Maths test over!
Now, HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPS of work to catch up on ahh!!!

Maths test was actually kinda fun to do, even though I know I didn't do that well. I probably made lots and lots of silly mistakes. Ahh well. At least I'm happy that I knew how to do everything.

Anyhow. Going off now to work.
And need rest too.

But haven't done my work! So much catching up to do, from too much bludging ._.
Gahhhhhhhhhh.

Well, above all, need to take time out to remember what really matters, and find rest in that.

Dear Julia;

Happy Birthday, girl!
I love you sososososos muchly.

I love your singing.
I love your hugs.
I love your amazing writing.
I love your artwork.
I love talking to you; you always have something interesting to say.
I love it how you're obsessed with Phantom of the Opera hehe.
I love it how I could go on forever.

You're so beautiful. Did you know that, girl? You probably don't think so.

And even though you'll probably never read this, you are amazing.

No matter what you say; no matter how you feel, always remember this: you are incredibly special and unique and gifted.

So go out there and use those ninja 17-year-old powers to do even more amazing things ^____^.

At the Cross- Hillsong

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x2)

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x4)

---

I love this song.
Period.

I Feel Like a Hobo :D

Oops. Am writing in my diary, and it looks illegible.
xD

---

I think I'm going to redefine this blog. I was going to a while back, but chickened out.

I'm not going to write anything unless I'm being completely honest about a situation. No more vague, fanciful posts; those kind of posts that have the potential of causing great misunderstanding =\.

If I'm not prepared to be honest, that's what my diary's for. Someday, I hope, my blog can be my diary :).

I admit there's a lot of things I hide from even close friends- it's because I feel as if I'm going to hurt others if I tell the exact truth.

No more of this.

I'm still learning to love, ne? Sometimes while stumbling, tripping, face-planting but none-the-less learning.

I love you guys.
I know I myself have said this; that half-truths can often be as bad as whole non-truths, and I admit I am guilty of it too.

Honestly, sometimes, I've even felt like half-truth-ing to God: I know He's loving and intimate and beautiful, but sometimes I don't feel so, and so I can't bear to tell Him I feel like he's not these things, because I know He's so much greater than I can ever imagine.

Well, apart from half-truths, which are just as bad as lying, I'd like you guys to know that I haven't been lying to you, no matter how contradictory that sounds.

Also, please know that nothing I have ever written on this blog has ever been malicious to anybody. If I ever did sound so, it was to something, never anyone.

I have tried to do things with pure intentions, but still managed to mess things up.

No more hiding.
Here goes.

Whoa I didn't expect myself to type up this post; I just opened a new post and started typing. That's why the title is so weird >>;

Oh yeah, unless I'm writing a poem or something- I have to be subtle- you guys will have to forgive me for that. But I promise I won't take advantage of that and write poems all the time to get away with things.

:) :( =33

I think I have come to a conclusion now.

Tumbler will be my photo-sharing, stalking, rambling, lame, crazy, retarded outlet.

Blogspot will be my more private thoughts.

:)

---

Where'd you go?
I miss you so;
Seems like it's been forever
Since you've been gone.

-Sings 9SC style-

Haha this song has such cheesy connotations for us :). And so when I sing this to/for you, I mean it in that sad, nostalgic way in which I miss you and in that cheery, lame, joking way :).

Tumblrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (I feel like a car :D)

Zomgsh I feel like such a stalker, but anyways.
Everyone's doing 30 letters to 30 people now, and I feel like such a stalker, cause I saw it spread from friends of friends to all my friends now. And I think I know all the links in between o_O.

Hehe. Globalisation.
Interconnectedness.

It's so easy to stalk people now ._.
Is that good or bad?
People (including me) are so nosy, nowadays, and are demanding instant satisfaction.

I say it's bad.
I mean like, remember the time before internet was popular?
To me, it's just a fuzzy memory- maybe because I'm just on the edge of gen Y. I feel kinda robbed of a proper childhood because of that xD. Like gen Z'ers are growing up way fast now, and I probably share heaps of characteristics with them :(. Now, like wow. Gen alpha. I wonder what they're going to be like. I wonder what the next generation after them (probably our children) will be like o_O.

Anyways.

Blog about this some other day... Maybe.

Tumblr: http://project-love.tumblr.com/

Stalk/follow me?

Honestly, I don't know why I made one. It's another medium for procrastination so probably wasn't a good idea. Ahh well.

It's just like blogspot but better. LOL. I don't know how I'm going to do this; am I going to blog on tumbler or blogspot more? Hmm.

Tumbler is nice for photo sharing and stuff :)

The Peanut Butter to My Jelly 8)

'Cause your the apple to my pie.
You're the straw to my berry.
You're the smoke to my high.
And you're the one i wanna marry.'

Hehe cute lyrics.
Except the smoke and high bit ^^;.

We Are His Portion; We Are His Prize.

There's nothing I feel like I can say that won't either undermine Your great omnipotence and great power or stir up false hope, because I feel as if what I ask you for is for a selfish reason.

Except this: Lord, I know you will do what you will. And it will be for my good; Your amazing glory. So take me as I am; take me where You are. Let your will be my will, and may I always, always, follow You; the author, creator, lover and perfecter.

You know me better than me.
And if I am being selfish or misguided or whatever, you will make straight what I made crooked.

Teehee.

HAHAHAHA.

Me: -Sees dad watching world cup- I have a friend in year 12 who's going to watch the game w/ Australia in it at 4:30 on Monday. He has trials soon xD.
Dad: I approve ;D. [It's] so exciting.
Me: HAHAHAHA.

Perhaps the Real Fool is You.

You got everyone fooled, honey;
You yourself included- maybe; just a little bit.

But at the end of the day, it's not who you are.

But then the question arises: who are you?
And how do you find yourself?

Break Me Down

I lol at my parents watching world cup.
HAHAHAHAHA.

I swear they're just like kids :).

But seriously.
I wish I had less pride; that I could tell them that I loved them, easily and directly.

=\

What to do about such a thing?
I don't know.

Lord, humble me.

Again and again;
I need it so.

You just lost it.
No; not the game ==;.

It takes time.
Ahh well.
It's well worth it.

Keep going.
:)

This Is It!

This is it!
This is it!
What, you say?

It is neither 'the start of something new' nor that great, big, epic ending;
it is a life-long journey of living, loving and learning with my Daddy working in me, through me and despite me.

And I'm excited for it. For all the great things He's going to do!

See, see, see?
No you don't xD.
I am being very dodgily vague.

What I mean is, JSODIFJOFEIJWOIGFJEWOIGJWOIJGEOWIJGEOIWJGOIEWJGIOEJWOIGEJOIEGWJOIJGEIOGJW; God's plans are amazing.

Wow.

Everytime you whisper, shout, or simply say
I love you,
I can't help it but scream, shout, whisper, with all my heart, at the top of my lungs.

!!!

Hehe. (Sorry but the !!! didn't look very appropriate at the end of the last sentence LOL)

And so, I say again, to you: this is it!
When the words that come out of the lips aren't even yours anymore.

But not quite it either; there's so much more.

---

HAHAHAHAHA JAS LOL AT YOUR TEXT HEHE :)

I Tell You the Truth; You Shun Me.

What am I meant to do?
Lie to you?
Stroke you; pat you.
Feed your pet ego and dreams?

I want to be realistic and constructive.

Make our relationship mean something.

But at the same time, am I being too realistic?
Almost cynical?

I don't know.

Call me a spoilsport if you may.

Even the Most Beautiful of Them All.

Don't you dare say you're ugly,
or unloved
or stupid.

You are so incredibly blessed-
don't you dare to even think the opposite.

And don't you dare complain.
You have it so easy.
You are loved beyond words.

Besides,
what authority do you have to do so?

---

JD was funnnnnnnnn hehe :)

I Think That You Think That I Think That You Think That You Think Too Much.

It's really quite that simple.

How Muchh. (Do I Have?)

Lord, give me patience.
Give me love.

You Can't Just Keep Going On Like This.

What will it take?
I'm serious.

But are you willing to be serious?

For Those;

For those who can't;
Not on their own.

For you&me.

---

You see, it's become living proof there's life after the storm.
You feel like giving up;
And it hurts,
As always; as expected.

But if only you'd lift your eyes up from all the mess you're feeling right here, right now;
Look up.
Taste and see,
Then you'll find there's such a thing as love.

Someday, you'll look back
And realise you're stronger than you know.

Not because of anything you are;
But all because of who He is.

Your Love is Amazing

I was just thinking about how people often white lie, out of love for other people.

Like 'I think you did great'

or 'I'm sure he didn't'.

But white lies can be really obvious... And they hurt heaps. Perhaps what's better is constructive criticism? Of course, it's easy to say that now, but when you get to the actual situation, you'll struggle for words to say.

Anyhow, as I was thinking those thoughts and just about to store them away into the back of my mind, where I'd just forget about those thoughts gradually (as you do), I came across these words of love (which I will not reproduce here, to protect privacy).

They struck out to me, because they were... Words of so much love. Of hope. Of encouragement. But most of all, they were words of truth.

Unshakable. Irrefutable.

Also, I'd read them earlier today and wondered where they came from. But they didn't strike out to me then; just now.

How often do we make empty promises! But these words resounded with so much love.

Then, I realised, these words were for me. Personally. For you, personally, too.

And my mind was blown away :)

Yuck.

Whew.

Step back.

Re-evaluate/re-think properly.

I'm a mess, yes. Mould me and make me, Lord. I don't feel beautiful. In fact, I feel the opposite.

I don't care if I'm pretty or cute or stylish or elegant or smart or funny or whatever else people call me- when all is stripped away, what will you find?

Will I still be mellow and patient and sweet or happy and joyful and good-company?

You call me 'wise' and 'experienced'- whatever that means.

What remains is dirty and awkward and insecure- lacking faith- and greedy and selfish and proud and self-seeking.

What do achievements mean to me? What is money and prestige and power? What is beauty and fun and appearance? What is wisdom and knowledge, at the end of the day? All will fade in time.

I may have been all of these things sometime, but you know what? I can't keep up with all that. I am cracking and snapping under my own mess.

What am I, but for a monster, without love?

Lord, I'm so thirsty for you.
Cleanse me, please from the inside out; all over; make me holy and righteous in your sight.

I'm so disgusted by my own sin, yet I can't help myself.

I'veMissedTakingPhotosSoMuchJDSOIGJOISDJGOIGJSOIJGIOSDJ :)

Dodgy focus but can't be bothered to fix xD.





Dodgy lighting hehe. Ahh well.

Yush. This is what I do with my daily paper.

Cranberries & Mustard

Yum.

Until the after-taste hits you, that is.

There's More To This Than This.

Cause one day you're a prince;
The next day you're a slave.

And it's not good enough;
No where near enough.

The roller-coaster ride may be exhilarating, but where will you end up with it?

You may know the highs and lows well, but the destination?

Life's not a game of some sort;
You can't just get off anytime you don't feel like it anymore.

Nor can you get off the ride at the end of the day, after a day of fun, and expect to get off lightly.

There are choices to be made- which will you take?

Either way, don't expect an easy ride.

---

But you know what, girl? Don't just go for the ride. Take the reins and He will guide you.

Teach Me Your Ways; imma noob.

I have to confess, I don't know how to deal with this.

Perhaps it is a lack of experience- perhaps it is a lack of maturity...
I don't know.

I don't usually blog when I'm uncertain about things; I usually blog when I have some vague idea, and just vent to clear my thoughts, finally to arrive at some conclusion.

But this time...
I have no answers.

It annoys me, in the way maths problems that I can't solve annoy me.

But some things can't be solved in such an easy, logical, structured manner.

By the way, I love a boy called STan.
Yes, you are a boy today, cause I want you to be one, so I can date you (;.

Oh wait, but that would be incest O_O.
Eww.

Hehe.

With All My Heart!

The Heart is an evasive thing. So hard to pin down.

To conquer; rule.

Think of all the empires that could have been built by now.
If only, if only. (Reminded of Holes- Louis Sachar lol).

Still, all we can manage is an empire state building, and even so, that too, will eventually September 11.

Well, I find it hard to 'love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength'. Actually, it's the hardest thing, ever.

Especially lately. I haven't been feeling or doing so.
As a result, my life has been a mess.
Rawr. Yuck. Moody. Depression. Sin.

But you know what? That's because I've forgotten.

Silly me.
(More like stupid me. But You are gracious; so much so that I am somehow still pleasing to You)

I cannot love.

I have a heart of stone.

You shall give me my heart of flesh.

And so, for you to do so, I need to let you love me.

Lord, we say yes to you; we want You with all our hearts.

I'm so thirsty for You.

I Love You, Girl.

'I got off lightly' is the best way I can put it.
But you won't, everytime.

Be careful la.

---

I love you, girl.
Every single one of you.
You're so beautiful and special.

Did I tell you that you're also funny, smart, talented and lame? P;

Thanks for everything. I really mean it. 'Everything' is the only word I can think of that can somehow, albeit badly, capture how much our friendship means to me.

All the times we've been up and down (and maybe down so much more lately), I'm sorry I haven't always been the best friend. I've been selfish, but now, I promise I will share my life with you.

This is a big promise; I can't fulfill this on my own. You know I'm nowhere near perfect. But I have strength that is not my own, and will continue to be strengthened by Him who loves me. Will you share in this with me?

I also confess that even though I love you, I haven't always been able to love every single bit of you, no matter what. I'm still learning to do that.

I'd also like to take this opportunity here to encourage you; this isn't it. There's so much more out there!

If only you'd look beyond what is right here, right now. Look beyond what the world has to offer. After all, it's only what the world has to offer... I think you'll agree with me, the whole world is not enough. But there's something much greater out there!

Seek and you shall find.

A Heightened Sense of Reality (Rant)

Is [title] even possible?
How can reality be more real?

I don't know.

According to Mr. Short, a heightened sense of reality is often instigated by adrenaline rushes, etc. Thus, your sensory perception is sharper, and chyeaaaaah. You feel and see things 'better'.

So, when I think of a 'heightened sense of reality', I think of photography.
High modality; low modality. (I really am in the mood for english. Haha.)
So on that end of the spectrum in question, there's the unrealistic, almost absurdly (for lack of a better word in my dodgy vocab) saturated colours- is that really realistic? Sure, it's artistic. (Teehee. On the note of art: my new favourite technical-ish, jargon-y word is 'visually arresting'. Ironic, cause it only really applies to art, which conventionally defies the notion of technology being repetitive, dull, uncreative, automated, etc. Actually, it's probably not even jargon; just a term coined by photo-critics. Anyyyyways. Massive tangent. I just think the word-phrase-whatever-thing is really cool, and won't make this rant even longer and tangetical than it already is by explaining why) But is it really realistic?

Isn't it like the same as exaggeration?

I guess you can't really exaggerate your senses, and perhaps in something like a novel, you only see the colours as more vivid as a character because of your 'heightened senses'? I dunno. And it just... Happens xD. You can't control your senses being sharpened or dull. (Transitive and intransitive! Lol. I still don't know which is which. But hey.)

Okay I am not making sense.

And I don't think I should go into the whole post-modern thing about 'what is reality'. ==;

I guess for everyone, reality is different. But hey, the most real thing of all seems to be right here, right now, and so I don't see why I had to write all that fluff (ref: above) to come to this conclusion. But that's how my weird train of thought goes o_O.

Moving on.
End rant.

Okay, on another note, why I started this whole rant in the first place was because I believe, on cloudy days especially, the sky looks flat, because the sky is so 3D and huge, yet the same colour-ish and so see through, that somehow it all smushes into one massive colour and background. I dunno what I'm talking about heh.

But Cath agrees with me :).

But yeah. I was thinking... So 3D that it looks flat? Which is the whole heightened reality thing!

Lol I'm so weird.

As Light As Chaff

And when the wind blows,
Where will you blow to?

I'd like to say that we are as eagles,
or kites,
or something
soaring in the wind.

High and majestic.
Untouchable.

But you know, I can't.
I would be lying if I did.

---

The ridiculousness of it all makes me laugh :)

A breath; A breath!

What is it all worth to me?
And honestly, what is that worth to you?

Fragments

Patiently, you pick up the pieces;
Glue them back together
By the sweat of your blood
Until I am made whole again.

He'll Break Open the Stars (Just to Bring You to Him)

I'm sorry.
I should've known better.

Sometimes I wish I could just tear out my heart, for all the iniquities it bears; though largely unintentional nowadays.

But let me not forget- you've already done away with all my sin. I'm beautiful and pure to You, and nothing (hehe Romans 8) can ever change that.

Thankyou for forgiving me.

If I made a list of all the things I didn't deserve, I'd be sitting here forever.

I'm reminded of James 1:17, yet again: Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

So. What's been up lately?

I'm falling behind with work.
Way behind.

Anyhow; will get off blogspot and keep on working.

My Heart is Just a Prisoner of War

Empty my hands;
Fill up my heart;
Capture my mind with You.

Dear Heart- Sanctus Real

Hannah talked about this song today in English Service. I fell in love with it at first listening (to lyrics, and later, the actual song) :).

---

Dear Heart, do you belong to me, or do I belong to you?
Just look at all the trouble you drag me into.
I've heard it said to follow your heart,
But I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far.

Oh Heart, you've let me down,
Chasing love where it can't be found.
Heart, we've fallen out,
Cause all of your emotions
Have led me to doubt. Tell me who's gonna save us now?

Dear Heart, you're in the wrong place,
Looking out for yourself no matter what I say.
And I know that you're holding me back,
And it's time for a change, so I'm giving you away.

Heart, you've let me down,
Chasing love where it can't be found.
And Heart, we've fallen out,
Cause all of your emotions
Have led me to doubt. Tell me who's gonna save us now?

La la la la la la la la la,
La la la la la la la la la (2x)

Heart, you've let me down,
Chasing love where it can't be found.
And Heart, we've fallen out,
Cause all of your emotions
Have led me to doubt. Only Jesus can save us now.

---

No milk so just drinking tea. But no clean cups except a clear, funnel shaped glass. So it looks like I'm drinking beer, cause I purposely made my tea not very concentrated xDDD.

どうして簡単ですか。

It makes it 'too easy'.
Almost.

Doesn't really help =\.

But I know I can trust You.

何をしましょうか。

あ~。 そうか。
（何と言うことがいいですか。）

Constraints

Don't box me in.
Don't think you know me for who I really am.

I don't want to simply fit into the cracks of your mind; I don't want to pour myself into a mould of what you think I am. (Really, it is who you want me to be).

I want to love you. But how can I, if I am to become only a shadow of myself, and how I really feel, around you?

---

If this is how I feel, how much more does our heavenly Father feel when we make up boundaries for Him, inside our head!

The God who created physics bound by its laws?

And, perhaps most relevantly to those of us who are insecure: if he is the God who lovingly crafted us with His very own breath and life; giver of every single gift we have, why do we still doubt ourselves- vessels of His glory, just by living and breathing- and that He is unable to do great things through us?

Isn't your existence already a testimony of how great he is?
How much more he longs to make your life an even greater declaration of His love and power and might!

Finding Love&Hope&Security.

Keep looking at me with those eyes so full of disdain;
You truly disagree with me, and that's okay.

I will stand up all the same.

Still, I can't help crying.

For you.
For what you cry for.

Alone.

---

From the inside out,
Oh my soul cries out.

Keep Telling Me What I Want to Hear.

Things done for selfish reasons break my heart.
But who am I to judge whether something is done from the heart or not, and for a 'good' reason anyway, unless it's my own heart?

Better not to judge; to simply love unconditionally while also being wise and wary about it.

So I'll trust and support you- to an extent, but I will also forgive you- something you probably didn't expect; the reason why you started out on this half-hearted quest anway, to justify yourself- but, I guess, the world won't.

'Self-interest' is healthy, they all say.
And, so, saying you honestly want to love; to give it all up has become a lie in their eyes.
Anyone not like themselves they scorn.

During that self-indulgent, ego-maniacal speel of yours (What you missed)

The Grinch stole Christmas.

loljokes.

But no. Seriously. All this time you've been wrapped up in your own issues; concentrating all your energy in that little, hollow thing called your head, thinking you need everything you got to make it through:

(a) Has this solved anything? Or has it made you more pedantic, worried and hopeless?
(b) Did you notice the signs before it came? Did you? Did you really notice those bloodshot eyes; the slits on her wrists; that pale, pale white turn yellow and grey and ashen.

Or did you only notice when she killed herself?

Question: did you really love her, as you said you did?

Don't wait until it's too late. She might not be fine, no matter what they all say.

The Dichotomy of the Internet.

RICE REVO WEBSITE LAUNCHED.
So exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been getting so many emails of encouragement lately. Dear brothers and sisters sharing what they've learnt recently; prayer points; encouraging news; words of love, as we spur one another on.

Reading stuff on the RICE Revo site is no different. Seeing other like-minded Christians, desperate for God on their knees, crying for revival, and actually seeing His response work, and move, and uphold His precious ones, as he comforts and cherishes them makes this indescribable feeling well up in me.

Of wonder and amazement at the realisation of how deep and wide His love is for us!

Seeing my dear brothers and sisters thirst for God, and seeing His reply of grace and love has been one of the most encouraging aspects of my own walk with God so far in this life, but yet I can't help to feel saddened- even appalled- at this huge... contrast between the lives of His already, saved, cherished ones, and those still sick and hungry- metaphorically and physically.

I was watching this video once on Youtube- I kinda randomly clicked on it, not really thinking that it would relate to me that much, but was interested in it anyway- on sexual temptation, by Josh Harris (HE'S SO COOL. Anyways.). Within something like 10 seconds into his talk, I was already shocked. What he said was such an obvious observation, yet it never hit me till then.

He said (something along the lines of), "I bet some of you who are watching this on the internet will be shocked to think that somewhere out there, a click away, is a porn video [he then goes on to say something about how disgusting it is to God, or something of the like]"

Like, whoa dude. Whoa. (Haha church camp win ;D)

All this RICE Revo stuff made me think of it. There's so much great stuff on the internet. People using Facebook to reach out to people; encouraging blogs, etc. It's awesome.

But somewhere, a click away, is some one, dying. Drowning. Their heart is being eaten away at on the inside; they're screaming, internally; they have no hope. They're desperate for something bigger; they're desperate for saving. A hero on a white horse comes around, but he ends up being just like the rest of them. Till there's nothing, nothing, nothing; a stone cold heart.

How I used to feel.

All this made me realise...
You're either on His side, or you're not.

It's a dichotomy; an all or nothing; there's no fence sitting.

You can dwell in His house forever, or be banished from His presence forever.
You're either righteous in His sight, through the grace given to us through Jesus, which we're so undeserving of... Or you're not.
You're so incredibly sinful (and rightfully so, as you deserve) that He can't stand even being with you, no matter how much it hurts Him to see you like this.

You're so set apart... So holy.
Now, in you, we are too.

And so, about this dichotomy on the internet.
We're but a small portion of the population.
Perhaps a couple of IP addresses versus a thousand.

But with faith even as small as a mustard seed...
Even so, I expect to be blown away by how glorious you are.

You're the God of this City, and of this world, and there's nothing you can't do.

Your name will be glorified, and nothing can stop You.

けす

to switch off, to turn off / to erase / to extinguish

---

Cynical people are scary.
Scary as in... the things they do can be scary.
They, like, dash people hopes and dreams away :(.

But underneath all that, surely there's a softer heart, with a longing for real, true, pure love and success and happiness that they always put down?

---

Reblogged from Josh Harris' blog:

Judgment + Hypocrisy = Cynicism

"While purporting to 'see through' others' facades, cynics lack purity of heart. A significant source of cynicism is the fracture between my heart and my behavior. It goes something like this: My heart gets out of tune with God, but life goes on. So I continue to perform and say Christian things, but they are just words. I talk about Jesus without the presence of Jesus. There is a disconnect between what I present and who I am. My words sound phony, so other's words sound phony too. In short, my empty religious performance leads me to think that everyone is phony. The very thing I am doing, I accuse others of doing. Adding judgment to hypocrisy breeds cynicism."

- Paul Miller, A Praying Life, page 91

It would be so much easier if I wasn't that weird/retarded xD.
But hey; Father, you made me this way, for your own unique purposes :).

You are what you... Write? xD

She wrote a story about a little girl.
Little did she know, that girl was her.

Those thoughts she thought unique to her character were, really, hers after all.

She, in a strange, round-a-bout sort of way, wrote her own fate.

Broken pieces made whole

in You.

Sing a new melody:

Smile.

And mean it :).
For everything You are!

Sand through your fingers.

Click.
Another 5 minutes, gone.

Blink, blink.
Stoned;
Staring at a blank screen.

Pray.

Dance.

It's, like, a whole other world.
You're like a whole other world away.

And when two worlds collide, there's sparks?
Or explosions.
Friction.

Or something.

But I want to orbit with You.

Somebody loves you.

You're beautiful, okay?
Never ever ever forget that.

Unassuming Things

How small my world is!
How little have I seen of the real world!

Inevitably, though, I will have to face it someday.

I would like to turn my back on all it has to offer, but of course; that's easier said than done.
That's why, I guess, in everything, Philippians 4:6!

Grieve, Mourn and Wail; Steadfastness

⁸Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

(James 4)

³ You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.

⁴ Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

⁵ He humbles those who dwell on high,
he lays the lofty city low;
he levels it to the ground
and casts it down to the dust.

⁶ Feet trample it down—
the feet of the oppressed,
the footsteps of the poor.

⁷ The path of the righteous is level;
O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth.

⁸ Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

(Isaiah 26)

Here I am.

.______________.

I can't believe just how little work I can do in so much time.
Must be skill ._.

Where Will All Your Pretty Words Take You Now?

¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

I wish I could stop thinking.
Sometimes.

So that I could actually sleep;
So that I could actually do my work properly, for once.

I think I think I think too much.

Need
To
Find
Rest
In You.

Take a deep breath.

Breathe.

It's time.
To
Refocus
And
Reshift
Your
Concentration
To
Thethingsthatreallymatter.

Why do you think of such 無聊 things?

Echo

Me: DON'T EAT THE CHOCOLATE. SAVE MONEYS.
Renee: Sorry. The Time-Out was like, "EAT ME ;D"

Aww.
:(

Eat me hehe :D.

---

Your words, they take my breath away.

Each word has, embedded in it, unfathomable images;
Of millions of stars; twinkling just for 'us';
Of incomprehensible, overwhelming grief;
A sense of loss;
Of longing (and belonging);
Of love,
Lost.

Your words are beautiful; they take the reader away on an amazing journey of thought, weaving through memories; both stitching them and unpicking them, one by one.

Your writing is amazing.

But perhaps your words are just hollow shells;
Beautiful, but empty.

They echo with longing;
Echoes that resound as they fade away.

How can such beautiful words and imagery contain such ugly images?
Tis an eerie thought...

Doesn't it feel weird when you're not used to it? xD

Strip away that surface layer, and what do you see?
Vulnerable and delicate;
As a flower fading that was once beautiful.

Perhaps there is even no need to dig to find.

Who are you?

Where do you find your worth?
Where do you find your strength and beauty?

Or, do you find none;
Nothing beautiful at all.

Whoever you are;
For whatever reason you're reading this,
There's somebody who loves you.

Somebody who is unchanging and unfailing and forever, and longs to call you His own.

Promise

All I have is your promises;
I cling to you, my rock.

The times I break down and cry out of pure frustration;
The times I just want to scream;
The times I feel so terrible and dirty and sinful;
The times I'm proud and stuck up and won't say sorry;
The times I'm angry for the wrong reasons;
The times I'm broken and lost;
The times I feel completely empty inside;
The times I forget who You are and what You've done
for me
for us
The times I feel second-class
Fade away.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe :).
But does it make any difference?

Fail to Succeed :)

From: http://fervr.net/qna/why-does-god-allow-the-devil-to-exist/

(stolen off angus' blog xD. thanks dude :) )

God being sovereign means that God is completely and utterly in control of everything. Nothing happens outside his plans.

Us being responsible means that when we do things wrong, we are responsible for them. We are responsible because we do want we want to do. When we sin, no one has forced us to do something that we were totally opposed to.

Two examples:

Joseph speaking to his brothers about them selling him as a slave, Genesis 50:20 - “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” The brothers did evil (and were responsible for it) and yet at the same time God was in control and using this event to bring good.

Most profoundly of all, Jesus’s death on the cross, Acts 2:23 - “This man was handed over to you by God’s set purpose and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross.” The chief priests wanted to kill Jesus, and they did so, and they are responsible. But at the same time God was bringing his purposes about - He had always intended that Jesus would die, an innocent man giving his life to accomplish the saving of many lives. God had always intended that the chief priests would put Jesus to death - God is sovereign AND they are responsible.

(HOW AWESOME IS THAT. Good reminder. Things I stuff up... He will work for his good!)

GGGG (double owned; no I'm not singing SNSD)

Was doing chem, and kept writing 'HOH', until I realised it was actually meant to be water.
GG.

On another note (wait; I'm still getting GG-ed, so it's not really another note O_O), my hands are so cold that they hurt o______O.

Who is like you, mighty God!?
Who can take me from your hand?

Pierce

With a blunt knife;
Straight through to the heart.

Your discernment, yeah.
That's what it does.

(I like it like that ;D)

:(

lalalalalalalalala
annoyingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

that GG was for you, to me hehe :)

I Found Love, Yeah, Believe It Or Not :)

I just realise what a long way we've come, from naive, noob little girls,
craving for love and affection.

I do believe we've found it.

Give Us Clean Hands; Pure Hearts.

It's going to drag other people down too.
Can't you see? =\

It's not as easy as it looks.

Please reconsider?

I Will Be Blunt.

With every step you take, you either step further or closer.

There is no staying still.

So, tell me now; which will you choose?

Tailor-Made.

How did humans come up with the words 'infallible' and 'perfect' if there is no such thing as that in the world?

I had become cynical- at first, I scorned humankind for such a thing.

But when I turned and looked, with humbled eyes, now I see humankind knows he is not perfect. He does not often pretend to be either, knowing what a failure he is. But he still thirsts and longs for it, however unattainable it may seem.

And so if there is no such thing as perfection- if this world were as good as it could ever get; if it were the 'normal', only way to live- how could we have come up with this term perfection?

Surely it must exist?
And there must be something implanted deep in us humans that makes us want to be perfect.

If this life is truly who we're meant to be- a rowdy, dirty, proud bunch of people, why do we still have such great aspirations for improvement? Surely those thoughts must have come from something bigger and better? Or us- noobs- would not know any better- wouldn't know anything greater than who we are.

Well, even though I wont' find perfect, I know I'll find perfect for me, in your plans.

Tremble

My hands shake,
And I get goosebumps all over,
And my heart skips a beat,
With Joy all over again.

Graceful Awkwardness :)

I love the way you're so not eloquent-
Your words stumble over each other.
I can just imagine the way you wrote those words;
So innocent and sweet.

And though it's probably the same thing you write on everyone's cards-type-of-thing, thankyou- for being straight from the heart.

Linger

Jen showing me video of agedashi tofu and other food.
I'm hungry.
:(

Yummmmmmmmmmm food D=.

---

As I flip through the pages/pieces of paper, one by one, each page, heavy in my fingers, lingers both in my hands and in my memory.
Each page, a new smile; a laugh; perhaps a slight frown.
The good and the bad; the fail and the even more fail xD.

These ink-filled pages are like imagery in themselves, conjuring up memories and pictures of times past.

But yet, it's time to move on.
To keep going.

One Desire

I know what I will;
What I want,
And I don't like it.

I don't like what I like.

Lord God, what is your will?
Show me, so that I may do it with all my heart!

Taste and see that the Lord is good!

Yes, Lord!
My heart thirsts for you.

Just because they don't complain doesn't mean that they don't hurt.

Blindness.

She sits quietly in the corner, her sad doe eyes screaming, 'Notice me'.

I'm so good at creative writing.

This is a story Renee and I wrote in IPT one lesson in Chinese:

"Once upon a time, there was a pretty princess. She was very beautiful.

One day, a handsome prince saw her, and they fell in love with each other, at first sight.

They got married and lived very happily together for about 2 years, when they discovered the princess was pregnant! They had a pair of twins- one boy and one girl. The boy was very handsome and the girl very pretty.

But their parent's enemies were jealous..."

And I can't remember what happened next in the story xD.

Good times; good times xD.

Chyeaaaaaaaah I'm going to own stocks prize ._.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Writing is so hard!
T____________T

(for me xD)

Philippians 3:8

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

---

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

($%*)(@*#$%()*%#)(*%#(# annoyance.

There's so many things to be annoyed about.
There's the little things... Then there's the big things.

But on the flip-side.
Who am I to think these little problems take precedence over Your plans? I am nothing/no one.
Who am I, to let myself be consumed by all these thoughts? I am yours.

Just last week, I realised how easily irritable I have become this year. (Or maybe just didn't realise it before)
I was going to snap at someone. Then I realised how all they did was try to love me.

And then I felt so ashamed, as I realised how petty I was.

If I can't even stand something small, how can I be entrusted with anything big?

Even if it happens over and over again, where's my patience?
How am I going to get by in this world that will throw even greater things at me?

Change me.
Mould me into who You made me to be.

I crave quiet alone time with you.
I want to sing and dance just for you.

---

The most amazing song with the most amazing story behind it: It Is Well With My Soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Yes.

I know.
I know.
I know.

I'm sorry.

But seriously. You tell me off- I know I deserve and need it.
But seriously. Don't you know?
It hurts me more than it hurts you.

How many countless nights have I cried over this.

You think I don't really care.

I don't want to make you worry.

I cry.
I try and try.
Break down.

But it always comes down to me not trying hard enough?
Or something like that.

Daddy, I don't know what to do.
You tell me to trust you- but trust you to take me where?
Perhaps I am simply impatient to know, but it really hurts.

No matter what, give me joy and love that overflows!

---

Ahahahaha my sister is such a fail :).

---

Yay for phone calls :).
Anyhow.
STOCKS PRIZE ._.

True Colours.

What are yours?

My life about/in You (is not about me).

Who is she?
I don't recognise her.
She's not me.

... Is she?

I don't believe so.

---

I pray&&wish you all the best :).

I wonder where you'll go onto-
Big things, surely!
The places He'll take you will be simply amazing.

But by big and amazing, I hope you know I don't mean high-profile, epic things.
I mean being blessed; fruitful; rich in love, simply because of His hand in your life.

And no matter what, we'd love to be part of it.

Warm&&Fuzzies.

All this just brings me further away from you.
I want you with all my heart.

I know you, Daddy, won't keep yourself from me.

---

Losing your mind.

---

IloveIlove:
lying in bed; soft, cashmere-like clothes, and lately, scarves that you can wear like shawls.
:)

It's probably just me but I love the feeling of sheets against my skin, or other nice types of cloth. So I don't like wearing thick clothing? Unless I'm wearing heaps of layers; all dressed/dolled up, cause that's always fun (:.

So these days, I should probably wear more clothes but I don't like it cause I feel all yucky and stiff in them ):.

And milk tea!
And my trackies hehe. They're also made of smooth material.

I feel like a hobo :).

One of these days, I plan to walk out of the house looking like a gangster in my dad's massive FCUK hoodie, my skinnies which I can't find and nikes.
Haha.

Except lately I've been feeling too fat to wear jeans.
Yucky :(.

Random rambling.

I don't like cold weather.
Except for how nice heaters feel on cold days LOL.

I'm weird.