Oh man.
I hate the way such innocent things can turn into gossip so easily.

Innocent and well-intentioned, though definitely not simple and trivial, twisted.

Must there always be something to gossip about =\?

Gossip, gossip, gossip.
To tell the truth, it hurts me a lot when I hear people bitching.
Call me... Scared? To face reality ._. , if you want, or whatever else you want, but I call it not who we were made to be.
I'd rather, like, shut down and not listen.

But I love it how you're honest, and that's what I listen to.

I'd rather you tell me what you truly think, to my face, than lie to me.
So thankyou, for telling me the truth.
I really, truly appreciate it.

Except, like, dishonest gossiping =\.

It's so sad. Anything can be twisted in this world.
Even good things.

Eco study

Haha eco is kinda contradictory, like its definition is ' a social science which uses systematic methods to study human activity concerned with the economic problem. The economic problem exists because there are relatively scarce resources compared to human wants. '

Therefore, an economic system must be created for the maximum satisfaction of society's wants.

Choices must be made, as to which wants to satisfy.
Thus, the economic problem asks the questions:
What to produce; How much to produce; How to produce; and Who for to produce.

But then most people, even after they get what they 'want' aren't happy.

Haha.
Blunt ending.

Omgshomgshomgsh.
In love with Zephaniah 3:17 again:

Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing."

Meet Me Halfway.

Two song titles I keep thinking of recently: ' Meet Me Halfway' and 'Where U At' xD.

Where you headed?

It doesn't matter; he'll meet you where you at.
xD

unfold- marie digby

what i can remember
is alot like water
trickling down a page
of the most beautiful colors
i can't quite put my
finger down on the moment
that i became like ... this

you see, i'm the bravest girl
you will ever come to meet
and yet i shrink down to nothing
at the thought of someone
really seeing me
i think my heart is wrapped around
and tangled up in winding weeds

but i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold

these hands that i hold
behind my back are
bound and broken by my own doing
and i can't feel
anything, anymore
i need a touch to remind me
i'm still real..

my soul
it's dying to be free
i can't live the rest of my life
so guarded
it's up to me to choose..
what kind of life i lead.

cause i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold

i will allow someone to love me
i will allow someone to love me...

love me.. love me...

Sorry.

---

Whatever's on your mind,
Sing it.
Draw it.
Paint it.

Never simple, never easy, in this complication we have created for ourselves.
And we ourselves complain of its complexity haha ._.

We all find it competitive; claustrophobic.
And yet we all abide by it.

Because simplicity, goodness and purity are boring.

(Haha. Yeaaaaaahhhhhhhh riiiiiight.)

Excitededededed :D.

For greater things are yet to come,
and greater things are still to be done
in your city :).

O___________O

Lack of communication, leading to misunderstanding, causing strife and conflict,
etc. etc.

How many times have I seen this happen.

Just say it.
Can be as simple as Y/N.

Don't leave people waiting expectantly.

Please.

I guess, sometimes people don't reply or talk cause they think they'll be annoying and nosy =\.

- sigh -.

Played b'ball today and didn't realise how much I missed it till then ><;.
Need to start doing stuff again!
Like running/jogging, exercise biking, b'ball, volleyball, etc. T__________T

and OMGSH TAKING PHOTOS. Am on a photo drought? T______________T
And haven't sung properly in a while.
Gross voice, partly from lack of use. Yuck.

So fun hehe :).
But I've gotten so unfit haha ._.
No endurance + no muscle now.

Anyhows.
Will study and then try to go running for a while.

Clazziquai teehee :).
I like a lot.
Thanks for intro-ing Jas :D.

Tell Yourself.
LUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF ^_^.
Teehee.

Makes me wanna dance teehee :).
---

We live, we love,
we forgive and never give up,
cause the days we are given are gifts from above,
so today we remember to live and to love.

(We live- Superchick)

What if today were your last?

When I am lost you have not lost me

This is my favourite song:
(Well, one of them)

How long will this take?
How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend but don't break
And somehow I'll get through
'cause I have you

And if I have to crawl
Will you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you
See me through

Oh Lord, where are you?
Do not forget me here
I cry in silence
Can you not see my tears?
When all have left me
And hope has disappeared
You find me here

And when I have to crawl
Will you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you
See me through

When everything I was is lost
I have forgot where you have not
When I am lost you have not lost me(2x's)

You have not lost me

And if I have to crawl
Will you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you
See me through

(Crawl- Superchick)

Uncharacteristically me?
Yeah.

But still.
It made me cry the first time I heard it, cause it expressed so well just how I was feeling.

Crawling.
Powerful imagery.
It's like... Biting the dust.
Hopeless.
Lowest of the lowest.

But what I like most about it is how it is so full of His Grace; His promises.

Yes there's pain; there's suffering, but there's You&&Your Promises.

There's a better life...

Perhaps three of the most overused; abused; made redundant words are these:
"Love"; "Sorry"; "Thankyou".

But still, the only words I can think of that even remotely encapsulate what I want to say are those.

So what, of your pretty words, fancy airs and pretentiousness?

Maybe the beauty of eloquence is its simplicity.

Stop sitting on your hands.
You complain of too much work/boredom/whatever.
Go get to work.

Make a cake;
Learn piano;
Paint your nails;
Write a song;
a poem;

Go do something.

It's all very well to say 'poor guy', but do nothing to help him.

You might not be able to do much alone, but you alone can be a step towards something bigger and better.

500 days of Summer has nice soundtracks ^_^.

IloveyouTracey;
YoumakemelolxD

Maths homework is fun 8).

Is that it?

There was a time, when it would have been everything.
But now, nothing touches me as much as you do.

---

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Eww yuck.
Hope I'll finish soon.

---

Haha Tracey :).
Today was so funny; I agree.

But this I find weird- why do people always assume you're flirting when you talk to a guy? And vice versa, if you're a guy.

Like yes, it's fun teasing; it's fun being teased, etc. xD
It's just... When people take it too far =S.

Why does everything have to be about love and sex and relationships?
Can't people just be friends? And be left friends; not fully pressured into relationships by surrounding friends?

Like what Grace and I were talking about in Jap; everything can be taken two ways. The real world, or the world of innuendo ._. .

kyou wa ... unproductive desu . but restful (:

Got home.
Ate.
Slept.

NOW NEED TO DO ENGLISH ><;.
and chem.
and maths.
and... lots of stuff.

And morning class tomorrow for ext english ):. I wanna go ISCF D;.

Yuckyuckyuckyuckyuck.
I absolutely hate last minute assignmenting cause it means I haven't been working ._. .
Chyeahh .

And Jap speaking test tomorrow.
So.
Not.
Ready.

Homework.

Yeaaaaaaaaaah.
1200 words by Wednesday.
(It's not much; but knowing me, it is.)

+ lots&lotsoftestsandhomework.

Yay xD.

Word count so far: 0.

Oops.
Ahh well can't do anything but try my best!
So that's what I will do now...

OMGSH Run- Epik High really is good, Elena hehe :).
Lovethem. Loveyou ^_^.

No matter how I feel like I'm drowning sometimes... When I take a step back and see just little glimpses of your greater, bigger plans, everything clicks in place.
Despite the bad times; the lethargic times; the apathetic times, you're drawing me closer to you.

And that is what makes life worth living.

Confusing .
Fidget .
Nervous .

Breathe girl .

" Compersion is love manifested when a person takes joy in his or her loved one's happiness with another person. It is a form of empathy; that is, pleasure that a loved one is experiencing a good thing in his or her life. "

( From http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/compersion )

Discovered this term while googling the opposite of jealousy for an English assignment .
I like it a lot (: .

So this is what He feels , when he sees us in relationships pleasing to Him .
Yes , the bible tells us He's a jealous God , but only when we place other things above Him .

Well , I'm kind of looking at jealousy vs. compersion in relationships in my chosen text , and the text kind of raises the question whether the two can coexist properly in the reader's mind , without concretely posing it .

Like is love more jealousy or compersion ?

Tis very interesting :) .

But the sad thing is , neither Microsoft Word nor Firefox recognise it as a proper word ; yet they recognise ' Microsoft Word ' and ' Firefox ' .
I don't think I even need to analyse / dissect / explain this fact to show its implications .

In summary , what I'm trying to get at is that it's really sad .

( Hehe ; I discovered that there's a specific term for saying you won't say something , but saying it anyways today . It's a form of irony / contradiction , but I don't remember the name cause it's way hardcore O_O )

Ilovemyparents .

Whut happen ( ing xD ) ?

Cause when you're fifteen ,
Somebody tells you they love you ;
You're gonna believe them .
When you're fifteen ,
Don't forget to look before you fall ....

( Am doing English and am in an analytical mood . )

Loss of innocence .
What happen la ?
=\

Did reality strike you in the face ?

No more fairytale ...

Looking back ,
I've changed a lot from when I was fifteen .
Even though I was not quite as innocent .

Still quite innocent .

But I'm happier now .
Knowing ( some ) things . ( Still a lot to learn ) .
Because I know You a lot better .

^_______^

Procrastination .

Don't think; just do it.

See the world through a thick film of blurry wet .

Blink ;
Snail trails down your cheeks .

How do I explain this ?
Even I don't get it .

What I've Done

Why do you protect me so?
I live in the safest environment I can think of.

No; my parents are not naive; yes they let me go out heaps; yes they teach me a lot about the world. But in preparing me so, I am even safer =_=.

Of course, 'bad things' have happened to me or around me before, but I've been taught how to respond; just get out of there.
And so I live not having to face it everyday, unlike so many other people.

Everywhere I go, I am cushioned.
If not by physical or parental restraints, by the incredibly safe environments I am in.
Surrounded by 'good people'.

There's a world out there I've only ever been told about, but never had to face.

Except in my thoughts...
When I am all alone...

How can some one with everything- the friends, family, good, loving home, everything they need and more- feel and think so terribly?

Why is my mind so still so dirty?

You tell me.

And someday I will have to face the real world.

I guess the 'funny', ironic thing is, nothing ever happens to me.
It all happens inside my head.

I've never failed a test; never dated; never kissed; never drank; never been hungry (properly); never done anything majorly bad.
But I've done it all in my head.

If you were to look at my life on the surface, you could possibly discount it as 'boring'.

I wonder why you do this. Your plans for me... I will never understand, but will keep trusting in~
To be honest, I love this 'safe' world of mine, where everywhere I look I can see You. (There are, of course, lots of cracks and 'bad things' too.) But I must leave this place someday, to where people don't know You, to shine Your light for them to see.

It's a scary thought, but with You, I can do all things.

Hey! My mum has a really weird laugh. I just realised xD.
Just like mine apparently =_= .
Not our laughs , but just our laughs being weird .

And I have also apparently inherited my parents' lameness =_=.
Yay.

xDDD

Experience

Just one taste, and I'll be fine...

I'm glad I didn't.

Some things I learnt recently:
1) Sometimes, experience is not the best way.
Yes, it's imperative to know, but save yourself the unpleasant experience, please.
There are other ways of finding out. Though not the same, there will be (bad) consequences.

2) Guidelines are there to protect you, so you can enjoy your freedom.

3) Firefox says 'somethings' is a word, but does not recognise the word 'learnt'. Greaaaaaaaat xD.

Assertive vs. Passive.
Speak up when you need to.

Not the same as aggressive.

Balance . The ideal .

Today , in chem , I realised more of how perfect God's world is .
Like , lately , He keeps showing me how awesome He made the world , in chem hehe :D

Photosynthesis and Respiration .
Electrolysis and the combustion of hydrogen .
etc .

And then , like , Avatar :) .
Their world was so balanced and so ... beautiful .

And yet it's so hard to achieve in our human lives =_= .

---

HAHAHA RELATIVES SINGING :) .
They sound very nice ><; .

Just having fun ; simple ; sweet .

Verbal battlefield .
Every step you take is a potential mine .

Everything you say potentially misunderstood .

---

On the other hand , in reality at the moment , I lol at my parents + mum's uncles and aunties singing and dancing and being random HAHA :) .
Lovefamily xDDD .

Sad . Only when you have everything , do you realise how much you really lack .
You tell yourself - just a little bit more , and you'll be satisfied .
Are you ever ? Do you think you ever will be ?

You have so much physical security ...
But that's all you have .

Yeah , yeah , yeah .
All your pretty words .
Amounting to nothing .

I mean , they do have truth , and heart .

But everything - wisdom even - fall to be nothing at your feet .

Seeing you smile makes me smile ^_______^

You think you know a lot of things , and you can do anything ,
until you step back and realise how little you know .

---

As humans , we've always been fascinated by the complex ; the sophisticated .

As in the Garden of Eden . We were drawn to the forbidden - it presented something we thought was wisdom and knowledge .

( If only we knew how much it has cost us ! )

But today , by watching two of the most simple films / skits ever - no fancy techniques that I've been trying to cram into my brain for the past hour or so - it hit me .

Despite how ' civilised ' we've become now , our basic human emotions remain the same .

We crave complex plots ; brain stimulation ; visual sensuality .
Today , our society runs on such innovation .
Modern technology . What is it ? Applying technology within technology within technology .
Everything just has to be bigger and more complex and better .

But still . The most simple of things .
Touching us to the heart .

So has all the complication changed anything ?
Or has it just made life more confusing ?

Yes , we say convenience .
But at what price ?

I crave You , Lord .
Back to basics . What we were meant to be .

Micah 6:8 (New International Version)

⁸ He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

Meaning.

And suddenly, everything seems meaningless.

All that studying; all that knowledge; all that 'wisdom' you try to cram into your brain...

Where does that all lead you?

Life... meaningless until you find reason to live for.

No; not to die for; to live for.
They say dying for something is the ultimate sacrifice you can make.
But what about living for something?
Every moment of your life... Pointing towards something.

You lived, and you died, and you rose again on high-
and you opened the way for the world to live again;
Hallelujah , for all you've done !

You lived and died for us. What does that make you?
Pure, ultimate expression of love?

A Different Kind of Beauty

You're different .
And beautiful .
And people love you for it .

Conventional beauty ... Makes everyone look the same .

---

In this world based on appearances ,
What you value or love doesn't matter .
It's what you do , and how you do that counts .

GG to you if you suck at it .

So what am I supposed to do ?
Give up what I love doing ?
No way .

--

Why do you care ?
They don't .

You'll never please everyone .

So lesson learnt : don't live to please others ; don't be weak willed as to what you believe in .
Live to please Him .

Hold fast to His teachings , in Love , then people will see who you really are and what you stand for .

Integrity .

Something cool I read today : respect cannot be gained by ' being cool ' . As soon as some one ' cooler ' comes along , ' respect ' will be gone .

Only integrity - being true to what you believe in - will .

We'll Sing Until the Whole World Hears !

OmgshOmgshOmgsh !
I'm so excited !

God , you are so amazing !

I can't wait to see you move , more and more .

My chains are gone ; I've been set free ,
My God my Saviour has ransomed me ,
and like a flood , his mercy reigns ;
Unending love ; Amazing Grace

Excited for what exactly ?
I don't know either - just seeing you is enough .

I cry for you .
My heart longs for you , daddy

I hate wasting time .
So why am I doing it ? =_=

Head to Heart .

Confusing @_@ .

Breathe .

Nothing can touch you ;
You are safe in His arms

---

Whisper .
All I hear is your voice .
Comfort .

---

Open your eyessssssss .
See things as they are .

---

I know ; I know ; I know you are ,
You can , but will you ?

Do I believe ?

You either do or you don't .
It's kind of like an all or nothing .
You either go your own way , or His way .

To have both ... would just be compromise . But you'll end up going your own way anyway .

I do believe ; help me overcome my unbelief !

---

Discussing Pygmalion .
Talking about Ignorance vs . Stupidity . Innocence vs Class .
Very interesting .

But I guess something I just realised :
By your own merit , you are only innocent as far as your ignorance goes .

Pretty sad , huh .

I mean you can try all you like ... That will destroy your ignorance . But there'll always be that dark side to you .

In fact , the harder you try , the more you seem to be suppressing that dark side .
Which just pushes at its restraints , waiting to be released .
When it does , it's explosive .

And you feel worse and worse ;
like worse than not going anywhere - going backwards .

On the other hand , you can't ' strive ' for ignorance . To know that you're ignorant means you're not really .

Nowhere to run ...
But Home , where my daddy's waiting for me with his arms open .

---

I see you move ;
I long to know you , more and more .

What will it take ?
I think the answer is everything =S ...

disconnection .

zoning out @_@ .

---

I always wonder if I knew myself as another person , what would I think of myself ?
I used to think I'd hate me .
I don't know ...

And yet a lot of people think of me in really different ways =S .

Personally ... I think I see myself as really proud =\ .
Even when joking around .
Sometimes also aloof ; cold .

I'm sorry if I ever seem so , or are so .

I hate it .
And yet , it's so hard to change .

It's amazing how anyone at all has been encouraged by me , this imperfect instrument He uses to play His songs .

Growing Up ? Flashbacks ? ( Random Reminiscing )

( I don't know what this is - was just suddenly reminded of my childhood o_O . Random musing . )

Suddenly , I am reminded of childhood .
Living in oblivion ; living without a worry .
Sounds heavenly , right ?

But no , I was never happy as a child . ( Apart from those brief , occasional happy moments , like on family holidays or whatever )
I always found things to worry about o_O .
Weird .
And I hated being ' noob ' ; I wanted to know everything , but never knew really anything at all .

I don't know .
Most people associate childhood with big , awesome dreams , fluffy clouds , blue skies .
Silly songs and jokes .

Memories with blurred edges and hazy filters .
Always sunlit ; perhaps even sepia in their romanticism .

But I remember , when I think of childhood , hating ; anger ; being a loner ; crying ; kicking ; screaming ; fighting .
Being bullied ; bad self esteem .

I guess I really craved friendship and understanding , but never found it in other people , finding their innocent interest in me nosy and annoying .

All my big dreams slapping me back in the face .

Weirder still , I had , and still have , really awesome , loving parents .

I am so blessed that they are even more stubborn than me , when it comes to what I want , and think is best .

I mean , they're not perfect . Never perfect .
There are so many things they could have done better .

My Heavenly Father , on the other hand ...
I wanted to die .
But He gave me life .
Real life .

If I could go back ...
I don't know .
Would I ?

Back to emotional turmoil .

It took me a while to grow up .

I'd much rather keep going forwards , when I have You ; all I need .

( I guess the thing about happy holidays contrasts to my most recent holiday - Hong Kong and Thailand . It broke my heart to see those people ; some poor , oppressed by corruption ; others greedy . All needing His Love and Grace , but few knowing it .

Perhaps I've grown up a lot , but there's still a looooooooooong way to go , towards Him :) . )

So much work .

I have time .
Just not the energy or concentration to do things .

Need sleep .

Do you really not care or are you simply mistaken ?

Not good .
( It's funny how the words ' not good ' kind of seem to automatically imply that the referent noun is ' bad ' . I mean it's not even mentioned . And yet ... Ahh pessimism xD )

---

Did everything change just as I turned around ?
( I know I might sound very accusing , but I mean this in a speculative , hypothetical way . )
Or was everything just hidden out of sight ?

Hmm . I dunno .
I suppose it doesn't really matter .
Like a lot of things . All these things I wish I knew , but don't actually matter , and would just complicate things if I knew .
Just ... What happens next does .

( What happens next , but not what literally just happens on the surface )

I promise ...

Maybe what's sadder than lying is meaning it , but changing your mind .

I mean lying usually has bad intentions .
So obviously , that's bad xD .

But starting out with good intentions ...
And ending up with the same problem as if you lied ...

I'm not saying it's worse - just sadder , and more hurtful ?

( This reminds me of ' Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No' ' - Matthew 5:37 .
But I don't want to just ' shove in ' in this passage as a ' support ' for what I'm saying . )

Shame .

Shame .
This word has been on my mind for a long time .
Even the word seems to burn on the tongue of the one who says it .

Why do we talk about it so little ?
I don't believe I am the only one who feels it so strongly at times .

I guess it's not something we're exactly proud of , huh ?

Even to admit shame brings a sense of shame .
It's admitting you have done something wrong to feel shameful about .

Shame , shame , shame .

The word itself brings such terrible , dark memories .

Despair . Being dragged down .

I pray you will show me just how much it means to be holy ; sinless ; shameless , in Him who took on all our shame .

I don't have the authority to say anything .

Have you ever looked everywhere for something to blame , but then realised the fault lies within you ?

( To those concerned : No I am not emo - ing xD ; just thinking )

---

Do you really think you can compromise - get away with it - and still have everything He offers ?

Matthew 6:24 ; No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.

I don't like this feeling .

Why are there so many blessings and truths in the Bible , written there in black and white , that no one takes literally ?

Okay , okay .
There's rarely an easy way out .
I don't have the authority to say much .

But He , with every authority , has spoken it already .

your people need wisdom ♥

Lord , I love the way you talk to me .
I just pray I'll be wise and discerning enough to know when it's not you talking .

I guess that's something I'm worried about .
But as you promised , you are with me always , protecting me .

I am insulated from the world ; but not isolated .

And so , as we go out , give us wisdom and faith . Your eyes to see with , your heart to love with .

Let us not stray from you and your unchanging word , as so many have done .

Perhaps you're too smart ;
too understanding ,
too analytical that you overlook the most simple of emotions ...

Or perhaps you know so much that your heart has become crowded .

Do you know what it feels like to simply let go of everything to Him ?
I say ' simply ' , but if you note its proximity to ' everything ' , this seems to contradict , no ? ( Ahahaha I refrained from using juxtaposition , the dreaded word 8) )
It is simple ; this act of giving over to Him , but so hard to take literally when the word ' everything ' is also used .

I don't know how to describe the feeling that comes with surrendering all to him - simply indescribable ; peaceful ; free ; worry-less - but I know I don't feel it right now , because I haven't , just yet .

Time to go pray ~

Strange ♥

First I am afraid , But not because of fear -
The Holy of Holies is drawing me near .

Hide my face in the shadow of your wings , Oh Lord ,
Hide my sin in the beauty here before your throne .

---

How often He stoops down to our level -
just to let us get a glimpse of Him ; to understand Him ; to feel Him ,
in our narrow - minded blindness !

He limits Himself ,
just so we can be near Him ;
and yet , he enjoys this intimacy he instigates ( lol BIG WORD xD . - shock - ) by doing so .

How strangely wonderful is our God , seeking a relationship with such fragile creatures , bound by so many physical , spiritual and mental restraints . And freeing us too , at such high cost .

( If you were to put yourself in my shoes for a minute , you would be thinking something along the lines of this : ' why would anyone want a relationship with such stupid , ugly creatures ? ' . )

I guess some say ' God doesn't fit / make sense in this world ' . They are completely right .

Beloved - Tenth Avenue North

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah *now*

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
and Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now

Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And**taste new life

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me

You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery

---

- hearts - this song .

If you think I'm restricted and bound , let me ask you :

What kind of freedom is freedom to get wasted ; to lust ; to destroy ; to be dragged deeper and deeper into despair , I ask you ?

You want freedom to follow your heart - well tell me ; where does your heart lie ?

Are you any closer to finding freedom there than you are when you started ?
Or have you just discovered it's impossible in this competitive , proud world , just waiting to snatch victory out of your hands ?

Nuuuuuuuuuu ><; .
What are you doing ?

- Deep breath -

Trust .
Faith .

This is my cry , My one desire - Is to be where you are , Lord , Now and forever .

How great would it be to know the mind of Him who loves us most - to see and understand His plans , overflowing with love , as we draw nearer to Him ?

To have the deepest , most intimate relationship with Him ever ; to experience love so full you're completely saturated in it , in every way .

And we can ;
I just ask myself -
Do you want it enough ?

Asymptote :)

You know how people say ' there's no such thing as the perfect - insert word here - ' ?

Well , I agree with that - to a certain extent .

But I won't settle for anything less than a certain standard .
That certain standard being a certain attitude .

Or , if you're thinking of objects , or really like maths , I think the correct term would be ' tending towards infinity ' .

( Sorry for stealing your blog title carmen =S . Even though we're using the term in different ways ^^; )

What happens when black and white turn to grey ?

Do you keep swimming in the ocean of obscurity , in uneasy comfort , but with no idea where you're headed ?

Or will you get back on track ; back to your original purpose , and not allow yourself any chance of crossing back to the other side ?

( ' Cause I can't bear to see the ( wo ) man I've been , rising up in me again . ' )

What will you choose ?
I think I choose the latter .

The harder , but with a promised rainbow .

' I do ; I do ; I do love you ' ( Lower Ground - Pearl and the Puppets )

Sympathy comes to me naturally.

‘ Oh you poor thing ; let me give you a hug . ‘

I often even end up feeling more sorry for ( said person ) than they do for themselves .

I really , really do feel for people .

So what ? It’s not what they need .
Empathy – walking along – side ; supporting , is what they do need .

Unfortunately , sympathy weighs me down , and , sometimes , both of us down when I try to support you .

Something to work on (: .

Whereas apathy … It comes the easiest .
To just let go ... Not care .

I'm glad I'm proven wrong :) .

Sometimes , I hate change .
Which is stupid , cause it's inevitable xD .

But then You remind me : all change is for the better ; in accordance with your will , even though I can't see it .

Like me wishing I could stay the same in some relationships . But that's stupid , cause we grow older , develop different agendas , and mature ( hopefully ) .

Although we don't mess around like children as much , you're much less naieve ( and i swear i spelt it right , apart from the 2 dots above the ' i ' instead of one , but firefox accuses me of not spelling it right . oh look . firefox says i spelt ' spelt ' wrong O_O ) .

And me thinking I know You ( almost kinda well ) sometimes .
I'm glad I'm proven wrong :) .

Cause ' to assume things just makes an ass out of u and me ;D ' .
( Which is so true xD )

I shall now google the world naive .

You make me wow ( mom xD )

I feel ...

Free :) .

Despite all the pressure ,
I'm free .
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :) .

I don't think I realised it before so much =S .

I haven't felt this way for ages .
Months .

Your love gives me freedom <33 .

I can't believe you .
You're so amazingly weird , and weirdly amazing , and yet you make so much sense in this senselessness .

It makes me wow :) .

BAM xD .

Isn't it funny ?
You go into a situation ; resolute .
You're ready , you're prepared , and you're determined .
You've thought all about how it might happen - you've got it all covered .

And then ... BAM .
All gone - your heart is racing ; your mind spinning ; it's exactly the way as you imagined it to be , but the way you reacted is not - and you're left with nothing .

All you can think of is ' Oh ... Well , that failed . '
Just to put it mildly .

( You think you can deal with it , but really , you just can't yet . )

I think I'm extremely unfair and biased and dodgy at times .
Please kindly remind me so , whenever I need it .

I'd rather room for honesty ; room for listening , and improvement , than self - deceit and pride .

You matter to me a lot : your opinions matter a lot to me . Even though , as many discussions has shown us , we do differ on many things , I love listening to what makes you who you are .

The ' what if ? ' has become so redundant now .

What makes me think the words that come out of my mouth would do anything ? Anything I do .
It's him ; it's his love ; your heart , which matters .

... I think I think too much .

I got what I wanted .

No matter how many times I think I know you well ;
Have you all figured out ,
I find
I really don't know you at all .

---

I got what I wanted .
It just didn't happen the way I wanted it to .

Everything will happen in due time .
But what is time to you , the infinite ?
You live in the past , present and future .
So , really , it's no time at all .

No matter how hard you try to drag me down , I will have some dignity .

No ; not pride .

I do fail ; I am jealous ; I am angry ; I am selfish ; I am proud ,
but I was not made to be that way .

I am loved ; I am saved ; shown grace in every way , so I need not live in guilt and fear , as a Child of God .

I am beautiful ; I am strong , in Him .

I will not stay being a mess , to your delight .

You will not take me down with you .

I wonder if there's a word to describe such a phenomenon / circumstance :
Being sad when there's nothing to be sad about .
( There probably is ; I just have terrible vocab xD )

Perhaps it's depression ?

Like , not clinical , but a mild form .

Even if it's just intermittently ?
I dunno .

Hmm ...

But then , usually , there is something bothering you ; you just don't know what it is .
Which gets really annoying .

Which is where He shows me what I don't know about myself .

It's not easy - it's never been easy , and never will be - but I actually kinda love it . How knows just what I need ; and gives it to me . ( Of course , sometimes I feel like I need more , but I know and trust He knows best ) .

Just little glimpses of Your Grace are amazing .

There's a better life .

A million different notes ; so intricately interwoven ; beautiful harmony .

A cacophony of sounds ; traffic ; people ; busy lives .

Catchy beats .
Techno .
Orchestras .

But still , the most beautiful song of all remains the simple ; heartfelt one .

From you to me ; me to you .

Why are you complaining I never did ?
You never asked .

---

I love Quiet Times .
When it's just ... all quiet .
And I'm all alone with you ; able to be myself .

I just wish I could take away the sound of those ticking / clicking clocks , ticking away not - so simultaneously .

I love silence .
Silence in the world as you speak .

A bit of geometry ( coordinate + euclidean )

You know what's really ironic ?
I have kind of ' Reasons why ' .
You have kind of ' Reasons why ' .

But they're different Reasons , that complement each other . Complete opposites .

Meaning , say , it's an equation . x+y = 1 .

I like it for x .
You like it for y .

Together , they make 1 .

But they're the 2 different sides that make it up .

So does it mean either of us fall short of liking it ?
Or do both sides ring true ?

Unless , say , i like x , but despite disliking y , i still like 1 .

Likewise , it applies to you too . I just don't know what you think of x .

read this ( even if you won't read anything else )

hey , hey .
listen to me please .

even if you won't listen to anything else i say .

i may not be the smartest ; best speaker /writer ; have the best way to say things ; or even the best to say , or any other distinctive qualities to distinguish me .

and who am i to say anything at all , but for his grace and mercy ?

i am simply me - sinful , but loved and saved .

here's what i have to say :
just listen .

no ; not to me .
to Him .

All that doubt ;
confusion you feel ?

All the hurt ; the pain ; the fear .

If he's already done what needs to be done , to take it all away , why not take His gift ; grab onto it ; and hold onto it , steadfast ?

Of course , as with everything else in life - easier said than done .
Even the best fall down sometimes .

But it's promised ; it's eternal ; it's true , and it's worth it .
Fully . Truly .

Anyways , in terms of ' worth ' , what are we worth anyway ?
These fragile ; broken humans .
Be worth something .

Oh the little things we get upset with .

To you - right at that moment - it's the whole world .
All you can think of is ' Why ? '
Perhaps you feel as if you don't deserve it ; perhaps you're simply annoyed that something isn't going according to plan .
But you feel angry and wronged ... and when it builds up , maybe feel like punching some one . Screaming into a pillow . Swearing .

All - consuming , in your self - centred state .

But take a step back ; breathe .
Untangle yourself from this mess , and think of all creation - compared to this tiny point in time .

And not just that - think of love ;
Pure , sweet , holy love .

I would be speechless in wonder and awe ,
if it weren't for the praise I can't stop pouring out of my heart .

Son of God - Starfield

Son of God
Shaper of the stars
You alone
The dweller of my heart
Mighty King
How beautiful You are, how beautiful

Son of God
The Father's gift to us
You alone
Were broken on the alter of love
Precious Lamb
Our freedom's in Your blood, It's in your blood

Jesus, Oh Holy One
I sing to You
Forgiven
Savior, I'm overcome
With Your great love for me

Son of God
Strenght beyond compare
You alone
The darkness cannot bear
Lord of love
Your kindness draws me near, it draws me

Son of God
Prophecy of old
You alone
Redeemer of my soul
Come again
And lead your people home, come lead us home

You are worthy
You are worthy
You are worthy of all my praise

You are beautiful
You are beautiful
I will lift up my hands and sing

Anthem .

Our heart our desire
Is to see the nations worship
Our cry our prayer
Is to sing your praise
to the ends of the earth

That with one mighty voice
Every tribe and tongue rejoices
Our heart our desire
Is to see the nations worship you

true beautiful .

i look at my clean hands ; so sleek and soft from lack of even housework .

and yours ... dirty ; knobbly ; rough ; hands of labour ; of sacrifice .
massive scars .

but then my dirty ; ugly heart .
and yours ... pure .

me . ( relatively ) high achiever .
so what ?

anger in a box .

3 words ;
i wonder how much of it is true .

---

i feel like
my anger is like
a jack - in - the box ;
terrible secrets
with a sharp spring able to cut .

i try to push it in ;
lest some one will get hurt .
like i can't exactly lash out and hurt people , right ?
only thing i can do ; hide it .

but when one opens it ,
they get hurt .
tears fall . blood is drawn .

all when i have failed to take all these troubles to Him who has already taken care of them .

but when i do give it all to you ... wow .

The Unappreciated .

What of those who are exceptionally gifted but never were given the chance ?

Does it all come down to the inequality of opportunity ?

What of the passionate , who although not necessarily skilled or outstanding , shine , as a result of their inspiring zeal and vigour ?

What of those who love - truly love - something ?

In this society based largely on appearances , why must , say , one who loves to do something but cannot do it that well , be judged so much they simply stop ?

While those with the proper conditioning and resources are allowed to show off ?

I wonder just how much talent , skill and aspiration has been suppressed this way .