Where are you going?
Do you want to go there?

Where are you going to end up?

Be careful, darling.

Oh Be Careful Little Tongue.

"Of course I love you";
The words slip so carelessly out of your mouth;
You barely even taste what you're saying.

Your eyes betray nothing special;
deep pools of black, as usual,
shining ever-so-brightly,
as usual.

Does it mean nothing to you?
Or does it flow so naturally that this is who you are?
Or do I read you incorrectly?

I don't know; I may not know you well enough to be able to tell.

All I can say is, if you don't really truly mean it- aren't prepared to really love, with all you are; in action and speech and thought, don't say it, ne?
Just be truthful, please :).
I really don't mind; just please don't lie.

And I mean this in terms of everyone; please don't give them false hope; empty promises.

I hope I can love you no matter what.

Imperfection.

But it goes further than that. It's not just about being noob and making mistakes.

I'm so proud and stubborn and judgmental and assuming, and it's taking its toll on me.
I'm so 'busy' and self-absorbed.

Have not blogged for what seems like ages because of half yearlies.
And need to finish eco notes now ahhhhhhh!
So behind. Probably won't finish :(.

Will blog later. After exams.

workworkwork! rest.

Yay! Maths test over!
Now, HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPS of work to catch up on ahh!!!

Maths test was actually kinda fun to do, even though I know I didn't do that well. I probably made lots and lots of silly mistakes. Ahh well. At least I'm happy that I knew how to do everything.

Anyhow. Going off now to work.
And need rest too.

But haven't done my work! So much catching up to do, from too much bludging ._.
Gahhhhhhhhhh.

Well, above all, need to take time out to remember what really matters, and find rest in that.

Dear Julia;

Happy Birthday, girl!
I love you sososososos muchly.

I love your singing.
I love your hugs.
I love your amazing writing.
I love your artwork.
I love talking to you; you always have something interesting to say.
I love it how you're obsessed with Phantom of the Opera hehe.
I love it how I could go on forever.

You're so beautiful. Did you know that, girl? You probably don't think so.

And even though you'll probably never read this, you are amazing.

No matter what you say; no matter how you feel, always remember this: you are incredibly special and unique and gifted.

So go out there and use those ninja 17-year-old powers to do even more amazing things ^____^.

At the Cross- Hillsong

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x2)

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?(x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done(x4)

---

I love this song.
Period.

I Feel Like a Hobo :D

Oops. Am writing in my diary, and it looks illegible.
xD

---

I think I'm going to redefine this blog. I was going to a while back, but chickened out.

I'm not going to write anything unless I'm being completely honest about a situation. No more vague, fanciful posts; those kind of posts that have the potential of causing great misunderstanding =\.

If I'm not prepared to be honest, that's what my diary's for. Someday, I hope, my blog can be my diary :).

I admit there's a lot of things I hide from even close friends- it's because I feel as if I'm going to hurt others if I tell the exact truth.

No more of this.

I'm still learning to love, ne? Sometimes while stumbling, tripping, face-planting but none-the-less learning.

I love you guys.
I know I myself have said this; that half-truths can often be as bad as whole non-truths, and I admit I am guilty of it too.

Honestly, sometimes, I've even felt like half-truth-ing to God: I know He's loving and intimate and beautiful, but sometimes I don't feel so, and so I can't bear to tell Him I feel like he's not these things, because I know He's so much greater than I can ever imagine.

Well, apart from half-truths, which are just as bad as lying, I'd like you guys to know that I haven't been lying to you, no matter how contradictory that sounds.

Also, please know that nothing I have ever written on this blog has ever been malicious to anybody. If I ever did sound so, it was to something, never anyone.

I have tried to do things with pure intentions, but still managed to mess things up.

No more hiding.
Here goes.

Whoa I didn't expect myself to type up this post; I just opened a new post and started typing. That's why the title is so weird >>;

Oh yeah, unless I'm writing a poem or something- I have to be subtle- you guys will have to forgive me for that. But I promise I won't take advantage of that and write poems all the time to get away with things.

:) :( =33

I think I have come to a conclusion now.

Tumbler will be my photo-sharing, stalking, rambling, lame, crazy, retarded outlet.

Blogspot will be my more private thoughts.

:)

---

Where'd you go?
I miss you so;
Seems like it's been forever
Since you've been gone.

-Sings 9SC style-

Haha this song has such cheesy connotations for us :). And so when I sing this to/for you, I mean it in that sad, nostalgic way in which I miss you and in that cheery, lame, joking way :).

Tumblrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (I feel like a car :D)

Zomgsh I feel like such a stalker, but anyways.
Everyone's doing 30 letters to 30 people now, and I feel like such a stalker, cause I saw it spread from friends of friends to all my friends now. And I think I know all the links in between o_O.

Hehe. Globalisation.
Interconnectedness.

It's so easy to stalk people now ._.
Is that good or bad?
People (including me) are so nosy, nowadays, and are demanding instant satisfaction.

I say it's bad.
I mean like, remember the time before internet was popular?
To me, it's just a fuzzy memory- maybe because I'm just on the edge of gen Y. I feel kinda robbed of a proper childhood because of that xD. Like gen Z'ers are growing up way fast now, and I probably share heaps of characteristics with them :(. Now, like wow. Gen alpha. I wonder what they're going to be like. I wonder what the next generation after them (probably our children) will be like o_O.

Anyways.

Blog about this some other day... Maybe.

Tumblr: http://project-love.tumblr.com/

Stalk/follow me?

Honestly, I don't know why I made one. It's another medium for procrastination so probably wasn't a good idea. Ahh well.

It's just like blogspot but better. LOL. I don't know how I'm going to do this; am I going to blog on tumbler or blogspot more? Hmm.

Tumbler is nice for photo sharing and stuff :)

The Peanut Butter to My Jelly 8)

'Cause your the apple to my pie.
You're the straw to my berry.
You're the smoke to my high.
And you're the one i wanna marry.'

Hehe cute lyrics.
Except the smoke and high bit ^^;.

We Are His Portion; We Are His Prize.

There's nothing I feel like I can say that won't either undermine Your great omnipotence and great power or stir up false hope, because I feel as if what I ask you for is for a selfish reason.

Except this: Lord, I know you will do what you will. And it will be for my good; Your amazing glory. So take me as I am; take me where You are. Let your will be my will, and may I always, always, follow You; the author, creator, lover and perfecter.

You know me better than me.
And if I am being selfish or misguided or whatever, you will make straight what I made crooked.

Teehee.

HAHAHAHA.

Me: -Sees dad watching world cup- I have a friend in year 12 who's going to watch the game w/ Australia in it at 4:30 on Monday. He has trials soon xD.
Dad: I approve ;D. [It's] so exciting.
Me: HAHAHAHA.

Perhaps the Real Fool is You.

You got everyone fooled, honey;
You yourself included- maybe; just a little bit.

But at the end of the day, it's not who you are.

But then the question arises: who are you?
And how do you find yourself?

Break Me Down

I lol at my parents watching world cup.
HAHAHAHAHA.

I swear they're just like kids :).

But seriously.
I wish I had less pride; that I could tell them that I loved them, easily and directly.

=\

What to do about such a thing?
I don't know.

Lord, humble me.

Again and again;
I need it so.

You just lost it.
No; not the game ==;.

It takes time.
Ahh well.
It's well worth it.

Keep going.
:)

This Is It!

This is it!
This is it!
What, you say?

It is neither 'the start of something new' nor that great, big, epic ending;
it is a life-long journey of living, loving and learning with my Daddy working in me, through me and despite me.

And I'm excited for it. For all the great things He's going to do!

See, see, see?
No you don't xD.
I am being very dodgily vague.

What I mean is, JSODIFJOFEIJWOIGFJEWOIGJWOIJGEOWIJGEOIWJGOIEWJGIOEJWOIGEJOIEGWJOIJGEIOGJW; God's plans are amazing.

Wow.

Everytime you whisper, shout, or simply say
I love you,
I can't help it but scream, shout, whisper, with all my heart, at the top of my lungs.

!!!

Hehe. (Sorry but the !!! didn't look very appropriate at the end of the last sentence LOL)

And so, I say again, to you: this is it!
When the words that come out of the lips aren't even yours anymore.

But not quite it either; there's so much more.

---

HAHAHAHAHA JAS LOL AT YOUR TEXT HEHE :)

I Tell You the Truth; You Shun Me.

What am I meant to do?
Lie to you?
Stroke you; pat you.
Feed your pet ego and dreams?

I want to be realistic and constructive.

Make our relationship mean something.

But at the same time, am I being too realistic?
Almost cynical?

I don't know.

Call me a spoilsport if you may.

Even the Most Beautiful of Them All.

Don't you dare say you're ugly,
or unloved
or stupid.

You are so incredibly blessed-
don't you dare to even think the opposite.

And don't you dare complain.
You have it so easy.
You are loved beyond words.

Besides,
what authority do you have to do so?

---

JD was funnnnnnnnn hehe :)

I Think That You Think That I Think That You Think That You Think Too Much.

It's really quite that simple.

How Muchh. (Do I Have?)

Lord, give me patience.
Give me love.

You Can't Just Keep Going On Like This.

What will it take?
I'm serious.

But are you willing to be serious?

For Those;

For those who can't;
Not on their own.

For you&me.

---

You see, it's become living proof there's life after the storm.
You feel like giving up;
And it hurts,
As always; as expected.

But if only you'd lift your eyes up from all the mess you're feeling right here, right now;
Look up.
Taste and see,
Then you'll find there's such a thing as love.

Someday, you'll look back
And realise you're stronger than you know.

Not because of anything you are;
But all because of who He is.

Your Love is Amazing

I was just thinking about how people often white lie, out of love for other people.

Like 'I think you did great'

or 'I'm sure he didn't'.

But white lies can be really obvious... And they hurt heaps. Perhaps what's better is constructive criticism? Of course, it's easy to say that now, but when you get to the actual situation, you'll struggle for words to say.

Anyhow, as I was thinking those thoughts and just about to store them away into the back of my mind, where I'd just forget about those thoughts gradually (as you do), I came across these words of love (which I will not reproduce here, to protect privacy).

They struck out to me, because they were... Words of so much love. Of hope. Of encouragement. But most of all, they were words of truth.

Unshakable. Irrefutable.

Also, I'd read them earlier today and wondered where they came from. But they didn't strike out to me then; just now.

How often do we make empty promises! But these words resounded with so much love.

Then, I realised, these words were for me. Personally. For you, personally, too.

And my mind was blown away :)

Yuck.

Whew.

Step back.

Re-evaluate/re-think properly.

I'm a mess, yes. Mould me and make me, Lord. I don't feel beautiful. In fact, I feel the opposite.

I don't care if I'm pretty or cute or stylish or elegant or smart or funny or whatever else people call me- when all is stripped away, what will you find?

Will I still be mellow and patient and sweet or happy and joyful and good-company?

You call me 'wise' and 'experienced'- whatever that means.

What remains is dirty and awkward and insecure- lacking faith- and greedy and selfish and proud and self-seeking.

What do achievements mean to me? What is money and prestige and power? What is beauty and fun and appearance? What is wisdom and knowledge, at the end of the day? All will fade in time.

I may have been all of these things sometime, but you know what? I can't keep up with all that. I am cracking and snapping under my own mess.

What am I, but for a monster, without love?

Lord, I'm so thirsty for you.
Cleanse me, please from the inside out; all over; make me holy and righteous in your sight.

I'm so disgusted by my own sin, yet I can't help myself.

I'veMissedTakingPhotosSoMuchJDSOIGJOISDJGOIGJSOIJGIOSDJ :)

Dodgy focus but can't be bothered to fix xD.





Dodgy lighting hehe. Ahh well.

Yush. This is what I do with my daily paper.

Cranberries & Mustard

Yum.

Until the after-taste hits you, that is.

There's More To This Than This.

Cause one day you're a prince;
The next day you're a slave.

And it's not good enough;
No where near enough.

The roller-coaster ride may be exhilarating, but where will you end up with it?

You may know the highs and lows well, but the destination?

Life's not a game of some sort;
You can't just get off anytime you don't feel like it anymore.

Nor can you get off the ride at the end of the day, after a day of fun, and expect to get off lightly.

There are choices to be made- which will you take?

Either way, don't expect an easy ride.

---

But you know what, girl? Don't just go for the ride. Take the reins and He will guide you.

Teach Me Your Ways; imma noob.

I have to confess, I don't know how to deal with this.

Perhaps it is a lack of experience- perhaps it is a lack of maturity...
I don't know.

I don't usually blog when I'm uncertain about things; I usually blog when I have some vague idea, and just vent to clear my thoughts, finally to arrive at some conclusion.

But this time...
I have no answers.

It annoys me, in the way maths problems that I can't solve annoy me.

But some things can't be solved in such an easy, logical, structured manner.

By the way, I love a boy called STan.
Yes, you are a boy today, cause I want you to be one, so I can date you (;.

Oh wait, but that would be incest O_O.
Eww.

Hehe.

With All My Heart!

The Heart is an evasive thing. So hard to pin down.

To conquer; rule.

Think of all the empires that could have been built by now.
If only, if only. (Reminded of Holes- Louis Sachar lol).

Still, all we can manage is an empire state building, and even so, that too, will eventually September 11.

Well, I find it hard to 'love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength'. Actually, it's the hardest thing, ever.

Especially lately. I haven't been feeling or doing so.
As a result, my life has been a mess.
Rawr. Yuck. Moody. Depression. Sin.

But you know what? That's because I've forgotten.

Silly me.
(More like stupid me. But You are gracious; so much so that I am somehow still pleasing to You)

I cannot love.

I have a heart of stone.

You shall give me my heart of flesh.

And so, for you to do so, I need to let you love me.

Lord, we say yes to you; we want You with all our hearts.

I'm so thirsty for You.

I Love You, Girl.

'I got off lightly' is the best way I can put it.
But you won't, everytime.

Be careful la.

---

I love you, girl.
Every single one of you.
You're so beautiful and special.

Did I tell you that you're also funny, smart, talented and lame? P;

Thanks for everything. I really mean it. 'Everything' is the only word I can think of that can somehow, albeit badly, capture how much our friendship means to me.

All the times we've been up and down (and maybe down so much more lately), I'm sorry I haven't always been the best friend. I've been selfish, but now, I promise I will share my life with you.

This is a big promise; I can't fulfill this on my own. You know I'm nowhere near perfect. But I have strength that is not my own, and will continue to be strengthened by Him who loves me. Will you share in this with me?

I also confess that even though I love you, I haven't always been able to love every single bit of you, no matter what. I'm still learning to do that.

I'd also like to take this opportunity here to encourage you; this isn't it. There's so much more out there!

If only you'd look beyond what is right here, right now. Look beyond what the world has to offer. After all, it's only what the world has to offer... I think you'll agree with me, the whole world is not enough. But there's something much greater out there!

Seek and you shall find.