Grace .

I’m sorry, Lord. If I can’t even do the smallest thing, what can I do?

A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

A year ago, I was still so self-absorbed.

A year ago, you changed me. A lot. And you still keep changing me.

But I still have a long way to go.

I still can’t do anything right.

I still am so selfish.

And most of all, I’m still proud. Pretentious.

You’ve humbled me. Enabled me to love with who you are. Given me endless love, hope, fire, passion and grace.

And you speak to me and through me.

But I still knew I was proud. And it was stopping me from you. So I asked you to do something about it.

And you did.

Today I ignored you.

You gave me a second chance. I left it.

You gave me another chance. This time, I just sat through it. For all of 5 minutes. Wanting to speak out, but still too proud.

And I got up. Walked out that door.

And all that time, the only thing I could think was, “I’m sorry, Lord. So sorry.”

And that’s all I could think of, walking home.

It wasn’t the most epic chance that could have guaranteed anything. It wasn’t even anything, really, in anyone else’s eyes.

But sitting there, watching them. It would have brought you glory.

Your son offered me a chance. I ignored it. 3 times. And the rooster crowed as I walked out that door.

Sounds familiar? I was no different from anyone else sitting there. No better.

But no worse either.

So here’s to my first blog- to admit my failures. One of many, and many more to come.

But nothing, compared to what you have already done, and will continue to do.

Lord, grant me humility.