change me .

I cannot deny that I`m not worried . Because I refuse to just watch you spiral downwards . But on the other hand , what can I do ?

I am dust ; to dust I will return .

I agree with you . But I also disagree with you . I am nothing , you are nothing . I am just so messed up . So are you .

But I want , no need to change . I hate being like this . Do you ?

They say that to change for some one else , you are betraying your true self . I don`t want to be my true self .

Dear Lord , I`d rather people see you , not me ; be whole , not empty .

Because my only hope lies in you .

So please , give me your strength to fight with , and your Love to feel with .

In your hands ... I soar <33 .

amazing graceeee <33

WOW .

i know ; im sorry . i fail again ._. . badly .
really , really badly ._. .

BUT WOW .

YOU ARE SO AMAZING .

and so is your creation <33 . your blessings overflow so abundantly ; your spirit outpours onto us !

so amazing to think that despite all my discrepancies and stuff i`ve screwed up , you still right things for me / teach me to right them / use them for your glory .

i so do not deserve this ._. . amazing . grace <33 .

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beccu`s party was so fun today ;D .
i took lots of photos today ... blurry ones HAHA .

oops . dodgy camera + dodgy person taking them = not good combination xD .
- fail - ^^; .

will upload ... sometime ... soon ...

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Random shout out ;
thankyou guys for being such AWESOME , AWESOME friends .

all of yous .

yes , i mean all of yous . especially 9 / 10SC .
putting up with me ==; ...
lols .

and i know i haven`t been there for yous lately =\ .
been selfish and self - absorbed again ._.
sorry .
and sorry .
and more sorry .

and thankyous <33 . i love you .

Chasing After the Wind .

Random song that came up in my mind today ;

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

( lol WOW ipt is actually useful , when i use html for formatting :D )

In a sense , that`s true . Especially the last two lines .

But what hurts the most is not your rejection of me , but of the life offered to you ; life that you crave .

Well , need .

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong
direction

What I hate the most is watching you fall . And keep
falling .

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Random musing :

Lesson learnt today ; Stop making life so complicated .

As I was musing over this , I remembered a passage I read a few days ago .

The wise man has eyes in his head , while the fool walks in
darkness ;
but I came to realise that the same fate overtakes them both .

Then I thought in my heart , "The fate of the fool will overtake me also .
What then do I gain by being wise ? "

I said in my heart , " This too is meaningless . "
For the wise man ,
like the fool , will not be long remembered ;
in days to come both will be
forgotten .
Like the fool , the wise man too must die !

Ecclesiastes 2:14 - 16

At first , I found Ecclesiastes a really weird , emo book , but after reading my study bible ;

All toil is meaningless , under the sun .

It can be interpreted as ;

1) Enjoy the simple things life God has given us !
2) Reach for things above the sun ; not of this Earth .

Maybe it`s time to do both .

Playjerise :) , + apathy .

You and your eyes are seeing right through me ,
You and your eyes are making me weak ,
And I need your light to cover my failings ,
It`s you and your eyes .
<33

Cause sometimes , no one else understands =\ .

Wow . The more I ask for it , the more he reveals himself to me .
Praise God for being so amazing :D .

And yet , there`s so much I need to say ; so much to do . For you .
But there`ll always be some excuse for not doing so .

Or I`ll forget to . And not end up doing it .

Heard an awesome analogy today . The more we hit the snooze button , the more we become numb to an alarm , right ?

Well , I need to stop snoozing ._. .

An alarm is set for a reason .

Wake up .

But I`m so tired ._. .

Patience , dear one .

I say , "Take it away, Lord!" . My weaknesses burden me so .
You say , " Not yet . "

So I`ll continue to walk in you , with the knowledge that you`ll give me the strength that I am lacking .

And someday , as I draw closer to you , I will get over it .
... And get over myself xD .

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Tangent : OMGSH . Zephaniah 3:17 . Loveeeeeee <33 ^______^ .

" The Lord your God is with you ,
He is mighty to save .
He will take great delight in you ,
He will quiet you with his love ,
He will rejoice over you with singing . "

Thanks to RICE choir and band peoples ( from guy called Alistair ) for sharing ! :D

Wow . God delights in me ? Pretty cool , huh ? :) .
Reminds me of my parents <33 . ( Haha . And no need to say anything else . Words cannot express <33 )

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Tangent #2 : is worried muchly ... for people =\ . need to keep praying ? lol . quote SMak ; ' let this week be a prayer - ful week ... and for the rest of your life too ' xD .

So here goes :) .

Lord I lift them up to you <33 .

Grace .

I’m sorry, Lord. If I can’t even do the smallest thing, what can I do?

A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

A year ago, I was still so self-absorbed.

A year ago, you changed me. A lot. And you still keep changing me.

But I still have a long way to go.

I still can’t do anything right.

I still am so selfish.

And most of all, I’m still proud. Pretentious.

You’ve humbled me. Enabled me to love with who you are. Given me endless love, hope, fire, passion and grace.

And you speak to me and through me.

But I still knew I was proud. And it was stopping me from you. So I asked you to do something about it.

And you did.

Today I ignored you.

You gave me a second chance. I left it.

You gave me another chance. This time, I just sat through it. For all of 5 minutes. Wanting to speak out, but still too proud.

And I got up. Walked out that door.

And all that time, the only thing I could think was, “I’m sorry, Lord. So sorry.”

And that’s all I could think of, walking home.

It wasn’t the most epic chance that could have guaranteed anything. It wasn’t even anything, really, in anyone else’s eyes.

But sitting there, watching them. It would have brought you glory.

Your son offered me a chance. I ignored it. 3 times. And the rooster crowed as I walked out that door.

Sounds familiar? I was no different from anyone else sitting there. No better.

But no worse either.

So here’s to my first blog- to admit my failures. One of many, and many more to come.

But nothing, compared to what you have already done, and will continue to do.

Lord, grant me humility.